Somebody Needs To Tell Dante He Has Run Out Of Hot Athletes

My Dear Dante, 

I've been enjoying your "Hottest Olympic Athletes in Paris" series. Volume 1 featured some absolutely stunning individuals, and we are fortunate to have you chaperoning us through these amazing competitors for many of us might never have known they existed if not for your tireless research. 

For my part, I do not watch the Olympics to judge the attractiveness of the athletes. Heck, I don't even see what they look like! I care only about their form, performance, flexibility, muscle tone, spirit, backstory, etc. How do they carry themselves in defeat? Which of their family members died unexpectedly, spurring them to throw that shotput an extra foot? These are the things I watch for. 

However, it is abundantly clear that you have run out of hot athletes. And with each subsequent volume of your series, you wear away at the integrity of your premise. You see, there were hot athletes, and you covered them; you got them all. Everything from this point forward feels like the last eight-ish seasons of Grey's Anatomy. Once Sandra Oh left, McDreamy died, and showrunner/creator Shonda Rhimes stepped down, the show was all but wrapped. But the suits at Disney said "if it ain't broke, let's wait until it breaks" and soldiered on through ever-thinning plotlines and a revolving-door cast, turning melodrama to melanoma for the mindless masses that had come too far to quit. 

All of this to say that I will absolutely read the rest of your "Hottest Olympic Athletes in Paris" blogs. But I'm not excited about them as I once was. I noticed in the back end that you have a few more of these queued up, and though I can't preview them because we did away with preview privileges to guard against bloggers preparing themselves for incoming attack blogs (I think?), I would guess that they are barrel-scraping editions that will be met with outrage, serving only to push the once-vaunted Olympic games into deeper irrelevancy. 

My suggestion? Add some guys. Good Lord, have you seen some of the dudes? That's an untapped market there, old friend. You could also delve into the Paralympic athletes, but I'm not sure how that will be received. It could be seen as incredibly progressive or nauseatingly distasteful. I can't pretend to know how the woke Olympic crowd will react. 

As always, I would remind you to let me know the next time you plan to visit New York. I can't rummage a coveted restaurant reservation on such short notice, and we are due for more dining. 

Happy Friday. You're a good man. 

Francis