VIDEO: Amazon Driver Cruising 35 MPH Down a Sidewalk
I've long said that if you're walking on a sidewalk, and a person on a bicycle over the age 12 rides past you, you should be well within your right shove a branch through their spokes and send him ass over applecart flying through the air and skidding across the pavement. Sidewalks are for pedestrians. We deserve the right to defend ourselves against actively go out of our way to cause physical harm to those who don't abide by the law.
So this is very hypocritical of me to say... but I think I'm team Amazon driver on this one. I really shouldn't be. Amazon is responsible for breaking up Inside The NBA. I should be taking out my displeasure on the low-level delivery drivers who have nothing to do with that decision whatsoever. Maybe next time I have a package delivered I accidently open the front door without securing my rabid attack pit bull. Maybe I install a Viet Cong spike trap on my front porch. Maybe Wile E. Coyote is sitting a top my roof with a large anvil. That's what they get for delivering packages for a company who's depriving us of witty banter between NBA legends.
But I digress. I'd be lying if I said when I watched that video my first thought wasn't, "Is that not a road?"
It kinda looks like a road right? Like one of those little narrow roads you see along highways. You see them all the time. And I don't see anybody walking there. Looks like a pretty weird place for a walk if you ask me. There's no small children playing in the grass. Nobody else making use of that "sidewalk". Also, there's road signs along the right side.
But most importantly, the man as packages to deliver. It says right there on the side of his truck 'ETA: Right Now'. Right now is right now. He's already late. He has no times for roads. He has a very important cat tree to deliver. If that cat tree isn't on Karen's doorstep by 3pm sharp there will be hell to pay. If there are any people who should be exempt from my proposed 'violence against anybody driving anything on the sidewalk' rule it should be Amazon drivers (and I guess Door Dash drivers, but Door Dash drivers are getting a little too big for their britches, so I'm a little weary of them being given any more special privileges).
I'd need to see a full aerial shot of that highway before I make a final verdict. It's very possibly a clearly marked sidewalk (it's almost certainly a clearly marked sidewalk). But I don't think this is a case where the driver though to himself, "Fuck it I'm running late, I'm just gonna drive on the sidewalk." I'm willing to bet he thought that was a road. I suppose you could argue that makes it even worse. That we have Amazon drivers out here who are unable to identify roads. That does seem like a very important part of the job. But he's not driving recklessly. He's driving a responsible 35 mph. Not swerving whatsoever. I'm sure if he were to happen upon a lemonade stand along that sidewalk he'd have stopped his truck, realized his mistake, and patronized the young entrepreneurs business before correcting himself and getting back on the highway.
It was nothing more than a misunderstanding due to a poorly marked sidewalk. They didn't have to fire the guy for it. Just sit him down in the office and give him a quick 'sidewalks vs roads' refresher course. I'm sure he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
Or maybe the Amazon driver was a mad man hopped up on amphetamines blasting dub step on his way to drive through a series of backyards like this guy. Who knows. Better safe than sorry I guess.
