Summer Is Cancelled. The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile Has Crashed
I'm sorry but how do we even allow this to happen? Does the Wienermobile not travel with a motorcade like the President or the Pope? What the actual fuck do we even pay taxes for if the government isn't going to use those funds to protect the Wienermobile?
It would be one thing if the Wienermobile crashed in the winter. We're not crushing a ton of dogs during the winter months when it's too cold out for most folks to fire up the grill. But in the middle of July when we're in peak grease missile season? During an election season, no less! Something just doesn't add up here, is all I'm saying. This is a tragedy which could have been so easily avoided that it makes you wonder how much someone would actually have to pull some strings in order for it to happen.
America is nothing without hot dogs in the summer. Olympus has fallen, and now we're stuck with 2 choices. We either fight back to reclaim our glizzy glory, or we're no better than the French.