Richard Simmons Death Has People Questioning Reality

Richard Simmons died last Saturday. He choked on a Shake Weight at his home in the Hollywood Hills the morning after his 76th birthday. Then Donald Trump was shot in the ear and we all said, "Sucks for Rick. Nobody cares he died anymore."

But that's not true. Anybody who cares about Richard Simmons death still cares the same amount. Assassination attempt or not. Plus, since he died the morning Trump was shot, everyone will now know exactly what they were doing on Richard Simmons death day. His death will be a fun fact that goes along with the Donald Trump assassination attempt for the rest of eternity (in this timeline at least). Pretty neat if you ask me. And lets be real... when we heard Richard Simmons died, it's not like we made plans to honor him by spending the rest of the day eating low-calorie meals and watching his old work out tapes. Then when Trump was shot we said, "Plans have changed. Richard Simmons memoriam night is cancelled. There's libs on Twitter to own." 

If anything, Richard Simmons death was enhanced by it being on Trump Shot Day. I've actually heard far more talk of Richard Simmons death than I ever would have anticipated. Death talk that goes well beyond it's association with Trump. Richard Simmons' death has had such a profound impact on people lives that they've started questioning their own reality.

Richard Simmons' death sent shockwaves across the "we live in a simulation" community. I don't fully understand what they think is happening here. In fact, I don't understand it at all. I'm not even sure they do. What exactly is a timeline? Why are we jumping from one to the next? Who or what is making us jump? Are all these timelines pretty much identical except for obscure celebrities die at different times, and children's books are spelled differently? Or are the timelines vastly different, but our memories of past timelines are only triggered by celebrity deaths and innocuous details?

I have a feeling the people in these TikToks don't have the answers to my questions either. I think it's far more likely that any time they misremember an event, or get a few days of weird sleep, they don't want to chalk it up to their aging minds and bodies. They prefer there be a fantastical explanation as to why things aren't exactly the way they expect them to be. And if they can find a few other people who are wrong in the same way they are... well then the only logical explanation is that we've jumped timelines. For some reason, the idea that we jumped timelines is more comforting than admitting that our memories are sometimes shit. 

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Look Dawn… I thought Richard Simmons wore a headband too. I was equally surprised when I saw the pictures. But I think the more probable explanation is that we tend to associate 80's workout attire with colorful sweat absorbing accessories. And despite us knowing who Richard Simmons is, we've probably never really paid that close attention to his videos. So we've gone about our whole lives assuming he was a headband wearing person. And we probably think Richard Simmons has died before because for the past decade there's been swirling rumors that he was missing, being held hostage by his housekeeper, mauled by a bear, etc. I'm sure a few "Richard Simmons is dead" takes were sprinkled in there. There were so many wild rumors out there, even Alexa got confused.

Or perhaps I'm the sheep for thinking this way. I don't have the answers to the universe. I'm 99.9999% sure these people don't either. I don't trust anybody who thinks they do. But I suppose there's a world where these timeline folks onto something. There could be a crumb of truth in there. Maybe Richard Simmons, Bob Barker, and Dr. Ruth have all died several times before and the universe has kindly allowed us to hold onto vague memories of their deaths from past timelines. That's also why we're so certain the Monopoly Man had a monocle. It's spelled Looney Toons, not Looney Tunes. The Fruit of The Loom logo did have a cornucopia in the background. Osama Bin Laden was a member of the Bad Boy Pistons. Classic Mandela Effect. Maybe it's not just bad memory. Maybe it's TIMELINES.