This Leaked Call Between Trump And RFK Jr Is Worth 100 Watches

Let's be adults here for a second. I think nearly everyone can agree that Trump is going to be the next president, that the events of the past couple days are a defining moment in American history, and that we should really try to lower the collective national heart rate a bit so we can go back to debating the proper cold plunge routine, lying to ourselves that we'll start practicing our short game, and avoiding cheese products during beach season. 

Oh, and remembering that Trump is an endless well of hysterical moments, delivered intentionally and unintentionally. And given what happened on Sunday, we should enjoy the laughs while we can because life is short. 

Case in point, a video just leaked of RFK Jr. on a call with Trump where "they" talk about everything from vaccinating babies, giving RFK a role in his administration, the assassination attempt, a phone call from Biden, and AR-15s:

RFK apparently apologized for the leak. Who cares. If anything, I think this video is good for everyone. It shows that Trump has adopted a stunningly lighthearted attitude about being an inch from death, and it pulls back the curtain on the political theater that we assume to be so tense, revealing an underlying civility that I certainly thought left DC years ago. 

But of course the President called Trump to check up. And he made a joke, which Trump found "very nice" and even chuckled at! Would we call it a joke? "How did you choose to move to the right?" Never easy to tell with ol' Joe if he's in possession of his own thoughts, but we'll give it a 6.8 given the circumstances. 

I laughed hard at this call. It's a call everyone has had with their significant other after a certain period of dating. For guys, it's their girl telling them about their day. For girls, it's their guy telling them about their golf round. On and on and on we go, connecting utterly discordant thoughts using uhms and pauses to ensure the listener does not take the wheel, it's not their turn, I'm holding the speaking rock until you pry it from my goddamn lifeless fingers. You half expect RFK to start doodling, or at least sit down because lord knows this could be a while. 

"It felt like the world's largest mosquito. And it was, it was a bullet goin' round... you know, what do they call that? An AR-15 or something, that's a big gun. Pretty tough guns, right?" 

I'm from Maine. I know mosquitoes. I can tell you that if someone shot my ear with an AR-15, I'm not comparing it to a mosquito. We're going killer wasp or bald eagle. And you better believe I'm wearing a full goddamn gauze headwrap and dripping some red food coloring around the ear just to make life a little easier for a few weeks, striding into restaurants without a reservation and telling people to move the fuck over. In other words, we're milking. 

Maybe that's why I'll never be president. That and only that.