The NHL Caught Nikki Smokes Selling Illegal Merch in the Streets of Florida And Now they Want Him Arrested (My Interpretation)

El Presidente7/15/2024 5:22 PM

Letter From the NHL

Our investigators have confirmed that, notwithstanding our correspondence, your client proceeded with its plans to market and sell—and did in fact market and sell—the counterfeit “Florida Champions Tee” shirts, which prominently feature the Florida Panthers’ registered “Palm Tree & Stick” design mark (U.S. Reg. No. 1883140) (see Exhibit A, showing sample acquired by NHL). These sales took place between June 28 and June 30 at various locations in the Fort Lauderdale area—including to

Florida Panthers fans before and during the Florida Panthers’ Championship Parade on June 30th. Your client also boasted online and on social media about its marketing, distribution, and sales of the t-shirts, as evidenced by the screenshots below:

I know the Presidential assassination attempt got all the headlines this weekend and rightfully so. But there was another major story that slid under the radar. No im not talking about Nate winning the World Series of Poker by finishing 717th. Instead I'm talking about the highly coordinated sting operation that the NHL ran on Nikki Smokes counterfeit merch scam. Yup while we were all enjoying our 4th of July weekend the NHL's sent their top operatives to Ft Lauderdale to catch Nikki Smokes in the act of selling illegal merch and catch him in the act they did. Just picture after picture of Nikki selling the goods to these undercover Narcs.

EVIDENCE FROM THE NHL

Now it suddenly all makes sense how Nikki was able to sell all 1000 shirts I sent him. (Yes it was 1,000 not 5,000) It's because he was selling them to the Feds (I mean nhl) who couldn't buy them fast enough to build their case against him.

In any event as the leader of this company I will take responsibility for Nikki's despicable actions. And I want to promise the NHL that barstool wasn't trying to get rich by having a borderline slow person hand selling tshirts in the streets of Florida. I was more trying to prove a point about work ethic to Nikki. So here is what I'm going to do. My accounting team tells me we profited a grand total of $9,83.00 from this entire endeavor.

(Yes Welker was charging me 17 bucks a shirt! They don't call him the WOAT for a reason. He's probably richer than me at this point just coaching the Men's National Soccer team laughing his way to the bank without a care in the world)

Anyway in exchange for mercy on Nikki's life and as a show of good faith I made a 50k donation to the NHL's Hockey Fights Cancer charity. Hopefully this can put this entire nasty ordeal behind us and we can move forward peacefully and collectively as a country.