Dana's Brain Borders On Being Anti-Patriotic
Dana and I have been working together on his education for some time now. This week, I taught him the broad strokes of communism. It was the first lesson where I've felt, definitively, that I could never have been a teacher. Because every classroom has a student like Dana; where every teaching point is an opportunity for him to derail the lesson, shout out non-sequitur word associations, and attempt to add his own knowledge points which serve only to make things more confusing, more complicated, more inane.
Today, he went beyond all that. Dana actually committed what I would categorize as misdemeanor treason. Watch this exchange:
I ask Dana what other country, aside from Russia, is known for communism. I had to give him a hint using a primary color, which is a technique employed by kindergarten and early childhood teachers. His response: America.
Look, I'm no Joe McCarthy. The last thing we need is to reignite the communist sympathizer witch hunts of the early 1950s. But the patriot in me can't help but feel a flush of anger run down my spine when I hear Dana suggest that these United States have anything to do with communism. I didn't watch countless hours of documentaries on the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War to let a colleague denigrate this great nation in such lazy fashion.
I hereby denounce Dana Beers as a filthy red. I hope the next time he goes to chug a beer, he is forced to divide that beer into equal parts for each of his goddamn commie pals at their little secret meetings where they type out pamphlets to pin on the walls of the nearest Red Lobster.
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