Amber Rose is Going to Speak at the Republican National Convention

There's one thing that's been true in politics for my entire life and, I suspect, since the things were invented, is that no one enjoys a National Convention. Let me be more specific: No normal American does. 

I'm sure they're fun for the fringe nutjobs who put on straw hats and drape themselves in the Stars & Stripes and do St. Vitus' Dance four days. But look at your average convention goer and tell me that person doesn't have 10 cats and 25 bumper stickers on their car or that you could spend five minutes having a conversation with them. 

And I have no doubt that like any major event, be it a trade show - a ComicCon, a cannabis convention, what have you - that these things are like Black Friday for America's sex worker industry. 

But for us norms, there's no enjoyment to be gleaned from it. They're like graduation ceremonies. People making speeches about some pet issue that's important to them. Eventually it turns into a list of names/states. Everyone is forced to clap. All for an outcome that was never in doubt to begin with. 

But it turns out this year is going to different. First, the Democrats are floating a plan where they turn their convention into a sort of game show to pick their nominee:

And now, the Republicans are seeing the Demcrats' Taylor Swift and raising them the Founding Mother of the Slut Walk:

NY Post - Amber Rose — a former stripper who has fiercely criticized Donald Trump in the past — will be a speaker at the Republican National Convention in support of the 45th president’s re-election.

The Philadelphia-born Rose, 40, gained fame in 2008, after she appeared in the music video for rapper Young Jeezy’s single “Put On” and began dating Kanye West.

In 2013, Rose married another rapper, Wiz Khalifa, and had a son by him before filing for divorce the following year. She is also the author of the book “How to Be a Bad Bitch,” has modeled for Louis Vuitton and founded the Los Angeles chapter of the SlutWalk feminist protest march. …

Shutterstock. Shutterstock Images.

Before her recent endorsement, she had been an opponent of Trump, calling him a “f—ing idiot” during an interview with the Cut in 2016 and saying she “really hope[s] he’s not president.”

Obviously this is not your grandaddy's GOP. 

Remember how it was a big controversy when they got Clint Eastwood to come on stage and improv a bit where he was talking to an empty chair that was supposed to be Obama? Well now they're embracing a different kind of celebrity endorser. One who calls the nominee "a fucking idiot" and who hopes he loses. At least she once did, but apparently has enjoyed a change of heart. Or a full-blown Shakespearean sea change:

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And you've got to hand it to Trump and his party; this is a bold strategy, indeed. When I was a kid, these speeches were all delivered by red state, country club Republicans and people from the Bible Belt. Why, just four years ago one of their honored speakers was Sister Deirdre Byrne. Who, in addition to being a nun is a retired US Army Colonel and practicing surgeon:

And the good Sr./Col./Dr. Byrne being such a tough act to follow, they're turning to Kanye's ex:

Broadimage. Shutterstock Images.

Like we keep hearing, democracy is on the ballot this November. And as been said since democracy was invented, "Politics makes strange bedfellows." I suppose if your opponent is going to keep beating the electorate over the head with the fact you have 34 felonies on your record because you paid off a D-list porn actress, you might as well lean into celebrity sexuality. And few citizens among us project more of it than young lady:

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We don't know as yet what her positions are on inflation, helping the middle class or immigration. But we can say with 100% certainty the people in that convention hall will be paying attention. And so will the nominee. It's hard to imagine too many candidates of the past, from Clinton to JFK to FDR all the way back to that old horndog Jefferson wouldn't have hung on Amber Rose's every word. 

We also don't know if Trump will make good on his promise to Make America Great Again, or what that even means. But we do know Amber Rose will keep her pledge to Make a Convention Worth Watching. For once.