NFL Draft Week Kicks Off With the Patriots in the Eye of a Category 5 Hurricane of Trade Rumors

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Welcome to Opening Day of Insane Draft Rumor Season. 

When the first NFL Draft was held in 1936, there's no doubt in my mind that in the days leading up to it, the newspapers were filled with mock drafts by Grantland Rice projecting the Philadelphia Eagles would take Heisman Trophy winner Jay Berwanger at No. 1. And Shirley Povich speculating that if the Boston Redskins grab Riley Smith with the second pick, then the Pittsburgh Pirates will grab Bill Shakespeare. While Red Smith was hearing rumors about the Brooklyn Dodgers trying to package picks to move up, but if they couldn't find a trade partner, they'd settle for Dick Crayne and possibly Art "Pappy" Lewis. (All names verifiably real.) While all three legendary journalists were in agreement that the Irish are a filthy race of drunken hooligans who should stop being allowed into the country. 

And aside from that that last part (presumably), nothing really has changed. Talk of wild, last minute maneuvering around the draft board is as much a part of this time of year as your wife asking how you can be sitting inside watching a man in a suit walk to a podium and read the names of 21-year-olds when she's got an SUV filled with petunias that need planting. 

The only thing that sets the 2024 Draft apart from the previous 30 or so is that the Patriots are in possession of the wildest of Wild Cards in this whole affair. Chicago has all its company phones set to Airplane Mode until after they take Caleb Williams. Washington has their pick of every other living soul on the planet and no doubt have already made up their mind. The first variable in the whole equation - and the one that establishes all the infinite unknowns in The 3 Body Problem that will follow - is who is left for New England and what they plan do with it. 

And given that first time GM Eliot Wolf declared he's "open for business," it goes without saying that he's the busiest man in the league right now. Which hasn't stopped anyone from saying it. Not the least of whom is the Grantland Rice of the 21st century:

Schefter was of course referring to the way Arizona dropped down from No. 3 to 12 last year, then jumped back into the Top 10 to take OT Paris Johnson, Jr. While adding the caveat that it would take "a big offer" for the Pats to move at all. 

As far as how big constitutes "a big offer," I find it assuring that Mike Reiss is in the same head space I am. I talked to him a week and a half ago at Gillette and he agreed with me when I said it should take a Godfather offer. And this one would be hard to refuse:

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The Vikings 11th and 23rd, plus Justin Jefferson? If I'm in Wolf's situation (and it's only by virtue of the fact his dad ran the Packers and mine worked for the phone company that I am not), I'm not telling Minnesota to send the secure document right over so I can e-sign it. But it's buying them more time on the phone while I see if I can weasel a future 2nd or 3rd. But anything less than the going rate that San Francisco established three years ago to move up to No. 3, which was the 12th plus two future 1sts, is a total non-starter. It would be a "Tell me you're not serious without saying you're not serious" scenario. And an insult to my job skills. 

Which begs the question then of what would happen if the Patriots did find themselves dropping down eight spots or so? What then becomes the plan at quarterback beyond an immediate future of Jacoby Brissett? While confirming there's support in the building for Jayden Daniels, Drake Maye or JJ McCarthy, Albert Breer suggested their likely fallback option:

For a fanbase accustomed to drafting in the late 20s or 30s every round, this is all just too much to process. In the words of the great Hedley Lamarr:

"My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. Aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention." 

For once, the entirety of the NFL is on pins and needles, breathlessly anticipating what the Patriots will do. All their decisions will be made on the basis of Wolf's decisions early Thursday night. The future of 30 other franchises rests in his hand. When in years past, the best we could hope to do was to fuck over the Jets.

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Which is hardly a challenge at all, if we're being honest. 

Again, we're not used to being in this position. But it gives Draft Week the kind of excitement we haven't seen since we drafted Richard Seymour No. 6 in 2001 and the Super Bowls started coming in bunches and clusters. Or 2008 when we moved back to 10th overall to draft our current head coach, while the Jets fucked themselves by taking Vernon Gholston thinking the Pats wanted him. And it's kind of intoxicating, having this much power. Not to the point it's worth finishing 4-13 ever again. A fella can NOT get used to it. But if we do this once every 30 years, I'm all for making the most of it.