A Kentucky Man Got Arrested For Trying To Live Out Everyone's Dream...Faking His Own Death
A Kentucky man admitted to faking his own death to avoid paying over $100,000 in outstanding child support to his ex-wife, according to a plea agreement filed in federal court late last month.
Jesse E. Kipf, 39, pleaded guilty to one count of aggravated identity theft and one count of computer fraud in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Kentucky on March 29. According to the plea agreement, Kipf accessed the Hawaii death registry system in January 2023 using the details of a doctor living in another state and created a case for own death. He then “assigned himself as the medical certifier for the case and certified that case,” which resulted in Kipf being listed as deceased in many government databases
What a rush. What a dream. Not the arrest or being a scumbag by owing $100K in child support, but man faking your own death has to be the coolest thing a man can do. That's how you find out who your real friends are. Who gives the eulogy, who shows up, what do they say? Are people crying? Probably not for this guy because he doesn't take care of his own kids, allegedly, and ya know...would rather have his kids think he's dead than buy them shoes, groceries, etc.
I don't know why he chose Hawaii as the state, but in my head he was looking to retire from his life and start a new identity in Hawaii. Hack their systems and move to a tropical beach. Work remote, bring your red stapler, sip on strawberry daiquiris, and leave your previous failed life behind. I mean, this man clearly has some skill. He hacked multiple state databases in addition to Hawaii. Stole identities. Certified his own death. If he just applied those skills and effort required to fake his death he'd probably have enough money to pay for his children.
This is also one of those situations that make me think about the past. Guys probably did this ALL the time. Eh, I hate my wife and my job. I am outta here. Just get on a train leaving your pathetic old life in 1870 or whatever, go West somewhere and when you get off the train you just give yourself a new name and start a new life. Who would question you? How did they even make people pay taxes or anything in the past. Oh you took out a huge loan that you can't repay? Just get on a boat with that cash and move to literally anywhere else and nobody will ever find out. Sounds incredible. That was the entire underlying theme of Mad Men. Don Draper just stole a man's identity in Korea and never looked back. Became a millionaire. Fucked a ton of women. Lived a great life if you don't count the alcoholism, crippling anxiety, and eternal battle with guilt and shame. All he had to do was pretend he was someone else. What a thrill.