Hollywood Forced Ewan McGregor to Have an 'Intimacy Coach' on Set While He Filmed a Sex Scene. With his Smokeshow Wife.

Jon Kopaloff. Getty Images.

When the MeToo movement began a few years back, it understandably it shook Hollywood to its foundations. Like a bolt out of the blue, the film and television industries found themselves in a situation where it was going to be harder - if not pretty close to impossible - to use their power dynamics to provide grotesque, predatory lizard people like Harvey Weinstein some orgasms. 

The movement then spread to the film sets themselves, after actresses complained they were, at times, coerced into doing nudity and sex scenes under duress. Threatened by these same moguls that their careers would be ruined if they refused to cooperate. Now exposed, these movie executives needed to come up with a new plan to protect their phony baloney jobs.

And being a multi-billion dollar operation largely run by hideous gargoyles who wouldn't get laid were it not for the influence they wield, these show business titans did what any self-respecting industry does when it's threatened with change. Threw a fuckton of money at the problem to make it go away. So they created an entirely new occupation, the so-called Intimacy Coach, often referred to as Intimacy Coordinators. 

The move to require someone on set to direct professional actors in the art of pretending to bone on camera has not been without its critics. But some have pointed out that when you're lying naked on a soundstage for 10 hours having simulated sex with a co-worker, it helps to have someone there to give you pointers. Like how to make motions that make it look like your partners man parts are larger than they might actually be:

So good for them. The marketplace saw a need. A new industry sprang up to provide a valuable service. People get jobs in a bad economic time in the business landscape. Chalk this up as a win for capitalism. 

But like any new innovation, the Intimacy Coordinator occupation is struggling to figure out its business model:

Source - [F]or actors and actresses who have already had their own bedroom scenes play out in private, you would have thought they would be surplus to requirement.

Not so for Ewan McGregor and wife Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who used one to help choreograph their sex scenes in forthcoming Paramount+ series A Gentleman in Moscow.

Despite being married for nearly two years and in a relationship since 2017, the couple were happy to be guided through the amorous scenes as they believed it was ‘still necessary.’

According to McGregor, 52, who met Winstead, 39, on the set of Fargo when they were both married to other people, it was still ‘odd’ to be naked and intimate around other people. …

‘If you were doing a dance scene, you’d have a choreographer. It’s an important part of the work now, because it’s somebody that the director and actors meet in the middle.’

First of all, let me just say that Ewan McGregor is objectively speaking a very good actor. The way he took on the role of Obi Wan Kenobi that Alec Guinness made iconic and still made it his own was the best thing about the Star Wars prequels. Plus he was great in everything from Trainspotting to Moulon Rouge to Doctor Sleep. 

That said, you don't have to be Lawrence Olivier to act like you're sexually attracted to Mary Elizabeth Winstead. To me, she's the Thinking Man's Smokeshow. She was Ramona Flowers, fercryingoutloud:

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But these are sad days indeed when a man can't lie with the woman he's betrothed to in the middle of a set surrounded by a film crew of Teamsters without adult supervision. Without some total stranger standing there telling him what to do. The idea someone with a job that didn't even exist until 10 minutes ago can offer advice to a world class swordsman like McGreor is preposterous enough. But the notion that someone else can coach him up on how to properly simulate pleasing the woman he's been with for seven years is ludicrous. McGregor and Winstead didn't cheat on their own spouses because they didn't please each other in the bedroom, after all. 

So being their Intimacy Coordinator should be the ultimate No-Show job. Next time a married couple of insanely desirable people is scheduled to spend a day pretending to bang on camera, I'm going to suggest their sex acting coach just take a personal day.