Will Compton’s First Official All-Combine Team

Stacy Revere. Getty Images.

Last week the NFL Combine took place. 

For those unfamiliar, the combine is an annual event for the upcoming draft class lol just kidding I know you know what the fucking combine is.

And to those people questioning my credibility since I wasn't a combine guy - it's well documented why I didn't attend the event back in 2013:

Now that I am on the other side of retirement, I am like every other football fan whose testosterone-levels rise when I hear the analysts breakdown the footwork and poise of each quarterback throwing to routes on air. Whispering to myself, “that’s a great ball”, like I’m all of a sudden a QB coach analyzing what’s best for my franchise.

I wanted to take it upon myself to put together a prestigious list of “top performers” coming out of the weekend. My first ever All-Combine Team, if you will.

Let’s dive in.

5) Frank Crum

I mean just look at this specimen out of Wyoming. This hog is 6'8" 320 pounds with a 40 yard dash of 4.94 seconds and a golden doodle on his head. Yes, he looks like he was conceived under a cellphone tower off the highway in Laramie, WY but the big man had some giddy up that will surely boost him up a few draft boards. Only knock I have on his numbers is the 22 reps on bench press. You can’t be 320 and benching like a middle schooler.

4) JJ McCarthy

NFL teams can't wait to get their hands on this kid. Has all of the intangibles, first in/last out, will throw the ball in any environment, and has the swag you need to connect with a cultured locker room. Just ask Rich Eisen, who verbally salivated all afternoon watching JJ sling the rock.

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Don't judge him on this throw, though. We need to surround him with better talent at receiver.

3) Branden Fiske

This is a guy who will be screaming "LET'S FUCKING GO" after being stout in the run game. He would've been higher on my list but then I remembered how much FSU pouted after they were left out of the CFB Playoff. But I still have to give him his flowers. Big boy was moving in the 40 with a 4.78 and also put up a 4.37 pro agility. Good luck running from that, Lamar…

2) Cole Bishop

This kid had every Lynard Skynard groupchat buzzing. Look at this speed. I guarantee you he's been on creatine with his dad since he was 12 years old with the quote "Hard Work Beats Talent When Talent Doesn't Work Hard" written on the door of his garage gym.

Welcome to the All-Combine Team, son.

1) Payton Wilson

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I've probably watched this video 100 times. There's just something about this kid that gets the blood pumping and I don't know what it is. I wish I could get this one on the white board. Talk ball and get to know his ability from the neck up because if he can pair the football IQ with this ability… we might have a ball player that Luke Kuechly would be proud of.

And there you have it. The All-Combine Team. I had Spencer Rattler on the outside looking in but without fully understanding a few things I had to keep him as an Honorable Mention.