NFL Draft Prospect, TE Cade Stover Massages Cows to Strengthen His Hands
Personally, I think this is a brilliant move by Cade Stover. It has nothing to do with the physics, or any legitimate benefits massaging cows might provide. I have no idea if vigorously rubbing cow to near orgasm truly helps strengthen hands. I suppose it must. It certainly can't hurt. If anybody has strong, manly hands it's farmers. But every draft prospect can benefit from some sort of viral video that hits the internet, or at minimum an interesting story circulating about them. On Friday, I blogged projected late round/undrafted prospect, Texas Tech safety Tyler Owens' combine interview where he claimed to think that space isn't real.
It's one of the stupidest takes I've ever heard. Apparently Tyler Owens has never looked up his entire life. That has to be a disadvantage for him when defending the pass. But shit... people were talking about him when they wouldn't have otherwise. More people know his name now than they did before. People even learned that Tyler Owens was a candidate to run the fastest 40 in the entire draft. Unfortunately for Tyler the entire thing backfired. He got all the attention on him, then couldn't finish a single 40-yard dash without injuring himself.
No now he's "barely draftable/injury prone" guy. However before the injury he did manage to record the 2nd longest broad jump in combine history. So maybe not-space boy still has a shot.
Cade Stover on the other hand is much more well-known across the league. According to nfldraftbuzz.com (a website I've been getting all my NFL draft information from without the slightest idea if it's reputable or not), Stover is projected to go in the 3rd round. But with a name like Cade Stover, he could use some juice. White dudes named Cade Stover don't move the needle. If he were named something like Kool-Aid McKinstry, or his last name was either Rice or Moss, then would wouldn't need a story. Those guys are guaranteed to have long NFL careers by name along. But Cade Stover could benefit from some sort of fun fact about him if he wants to be memorable. Massaging cows to strengthen your hands is the perfect thing.
It's at least better than nothing. Not too flashy. Doesn't make him look like a dumb ass. Everybody loves and respects farmers. Just the perfect narrative for an NFL tight end to have. Now he's the "strong cow hands" guy. Who doesn't want "strong cow hands" guy blocking and running 3-yard outs for their team? Every player in the NFL Draft should really try to come up with one fun thing about that. It doesn't even have to be real. Say you're a receiver. The week of the combine drop a video of you catching balls with your hands soaked in Vaseline so you can practice having soft hands. If you're an offensive lineman, push a Chevy Silverado up a steep hill. If you're a linebacker, stab somebody outside a nightclub. Anything to get your name out there. It's gotta be worth a few extra spots in the draft. It could be the difference of hundreds of thousands of dollars.
