Handjob Queen Lauren Boebert's Son Has Been Arrested and Faces 22 Criminal Charges

John Rich2/28/2024 6:10 PM

Rep. Lauren Boebert’s son was arrested Tuesday and now faces 22 charges relating to an alleged crime wave in Colorado, authorities said.
Tyler Boebert, the 18-year-old son of the Rep. congresswoman, was taken into custody at around 2:30 p.m. “after a recent string of vehicle trespass and property,” in Rifle—a town in Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, which his mom currently represents—the Rifle Police Department said.
The teen now faces “four felony counts of Criminal Possession ID Documents - Multiple Victims, one felony count of Conspiracy to Commit a Felony, and over 15 additional misdemeanor and petty offenses,” the department added.
Online records from the Garfield County Jail show that those other offenses include four counts of criminal possession of a financial device, four misdemeanor counts of ID theft, three counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, three counts of first-degree criminal trespass, and three counts of theft of under $300.

A quick refresher in case you've forgotten how the lovely Lauren Boebert rose to prominence on the internet. If you visited the Barstool Sports blog on September 19th, 2023, if my memory serves me correctly, you would have seen that 3 of the top 5 blogs on the top of the site were about Lauren Boebert. For a day or two there, much like her date in that theatre, Lauren Boebert had the internet by the balls.

That video isn't anything too dramatic. Who among us can say they've never indulged in some heavy petting in a dark theatre. Of course we were in 7th grade at the time, but I'm not going to horny shame a grown couple. Good on them.

But the couple was removed from the theatre, and once the video (along with Lauren's pictures and political position) became public, the story blew up.

Anytime a hot republican congresswoman who isn't afraid to get some takes off is kicked out of a theatre for giving a public hand job, the internet is going to milk that story (no pun intended) for all it's worth. Lauren Boebert was made in a lab to go viral on the internet.

Then her family joined the party. Her ex-husband Jayson was charged with multiple counts of domestic violence. One incident occurred between Jayson and Lauren in a public restaurant. In another incident, Jayson's son called the cops on his dad following an altercation at their home. An altercation that featured Jayson brandishing a rifle. It was a whole mess of trouble for the Boebert's. Lauren Boebert has a mugshot in her own right for some petty crimes.

But that brings me to the crux of this blog. The latest in Boebert family news involves her son Tyler facing a laundry list of TWENTY-TWO criminal charges.

According to KJCT News 8, the charges are as follows:

· Criminal possession of a financial device
· Criminal possession of a financial device
· Criminal possession of a financial device
· Criminal possession of a financial device
· First degree criminal auto trespass with intent to commit crime
· First degree criminal auto trespass with intent to commit crime
· First degree criminal auto trespass with intent to commit crime
· Criminal possession of ID docs
· Criminal possession of ID docs
· Criminal possession of ID docs
· Criminal possession of ID docs
· Conspiracy to commit (felony)
· ID theft possession with intent to use
· ID theft possession with intent to use
· ID theft possession with intent to use
· ID theft possession with intent to use
· Contributing to delinquency of a minor
· Contributing to delinquency of a minor
· Contributing to delinquency of a minor
· Theft- less than $300
· Theft- less than $300
· Theft- less than $300

Tip of the cap to Tyler. That's an impressive rap sheet for any man to accumulate before his 19th birthday. Not many specific details have been released, aside from his arrest being linked to "a recent string of vehicle trespass and property thefts". The Colorado Bureau of Investigation records say that he was breaking into vehicles to steal things like credit cards, drivers licenses, and passports. So for now we'll have to speculate wildly as to what Tyler Boebert was cooking up. Was he planning to assume a few new identities, deplete some bank accounts, then funnel the money to his mother's political campaign? Maybe he was taking it right to the top and raising money for Donald Trump's legal fees. Or maybe he's just a kleptomaniac with a couple of insane parents.

Fingers crossed that when this all cools down, and the Boebert family has been released from prison, a shameless media company (don't say Barstool Sports) will fund a Boebert family reality show. They could call it 'Being Boebert'. I'd enjoy watching the trials and tribulations of Lauren Boebert as she contemplates between running for congress yet again, or bailing on politics all together to start a thriving OnlyFans career. Someone could organize a shady boxing event (don't say Rough n' Rowdy) where Tyler and his dad Jayson settled their beef once and for all in the ring. I bet the significant others of anybody in the Boebert family, or anybody who the Bobert family deals with on a regular basis would be psychopaths in their own right. I see a lot of potential there. A lot of potential for disaster. But disaster is what moves the needle.