The Best Conspiracy Theory On The Internet: Someone Broke Down How Vanessa Carlton's Iconic Song 'A Thousand Miles' Is About Glenn Howerton

I don't know if I've ever been more invested in a non-sports Internet conspiracy theory than this. It appears people have brought it up before, but this is the first time I can remember seeing it. Either way, this is all I want to believe. You know the song A Thousand Miles, you love the song. You can say otherwise, but there's not a single person on this planet who gets upset when Vanessa starts jamming out on the piano. 

I'm well aware I'm a dumb human being. I see a conspiracy theory like this and I buy in right away. You put a Reddit thread breaking down everyone who was a Julliard and I'm just nodding along. Plus, we're talking Glenn Howerton here. I know I want to think of it strictly as Dennis from It's Always Sunny, but Glenn is apparently a different person. I have no choice but to believe this is true, like everything else on the Internet. Impossible to be proven false. 

Plus, Glenn Howerton SHOULD want this to be about him. The song is fucking awesome. Do you know how sick it'd be to have a song dedicated in your honor basically? Imagine putting such an impact on someone's brain they write one of the most iconic songs about you. That's love. That's gotta be part of the DENNIS system. 

This also has to be true. Someone can't do this much research, provide this much clear-cut evidence and have it be about Anthony Mackie or someone else. I can't find anything in the break down that would say otherwise. It's as concrete as concrete gets in terms of conspiracy theories. 

Now if you excuse me, I have to spend the rest of this Friday looking more and more into this. I will be listening to every lyric multiple times to find out more clues. It has to be out there. We need the truth. I need one of them to confirm this rumor. Congrats to Glenn, who has now officially peaked.