Belichick's Greatest Hits No. 15: Mona Lisa Vito

Winslow Townson. Getty Images.

Somewhere on this list, I was going to make room for Bill Belichick's press conferences. Because they were some of his finest work. From the "hc of nyjs" one in New York that turned out to be the Big Bang that gave birth to the Dynasty, to his first in New England:

… to his last:

… and the thousands in between. 

Belichick behind the podium was nothing less than performance art. Worthy of Pulitizers, Nobels, Kennedy Center Honors, People's Choices, Golden Globes and EGOTs. Some of his highlights included:

--His announcement he was sticking with first-year starter Tom Brady over a healthy Drew Bledsoe when he was asked if he consulted anyone. "Oh yeah. We'll poll the mailman. We'll poll the 5th graders. We'll poll everyone…"

--We're Onto Cincinnati

--The first day of Tim Tebow in training camp, when an Orc Army of "real news" journos descended upon him in their satellite trucks. And despite repeated attempts, they were all unable to get any more out of him than "He's here to try and help the team," they all headed back to their newsrooms in frustration, never to return. 

--The remarkably candid one after Aaron Hernandez was arrested, where he showed something close to genuine emotion.

--His final one at the end of this season where he showed none:

--The various grillings he took during Spygate. 

--The various grillings he took during Spygate 2.0. 

--The one grilling he took from the one reporter willing to ask him the tough questions during a raging controversy:

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But there's one that stands out above all the rest. And gets this spot on the countdown not only because it deserves it, but because today is the anniversary. 

January 24th, 2015. A Saturday night. Mere hours before Belichick was due to lead his team to Phoenix to face Seattle in Super Bowl XLIX. By this point, the issue that began with a report in the Indianapolis media and a Tweet by Chris Mortenson about squishy footballs in the AFC title game against the Colts had erupted like Vesuvius all across the landscape. Deflategate was leading the nightly newscast on all broadcast and cable networks. Not war, the economy, natural disasters. But whether Belichick and/or Tom Brady had conspired to squeeze a couple of psi of air out of the footballs. And whether of their combined success over 14 years together was owed to that one nefarious, evil deed that not only undermined the integrity of the NFL, but threatened to undermine American's faith in all our cultural institutions and tear our society apart. 

Now is not the time to get into the hysteria. Or the media complicity in this fraud. Or the fact it could all be disproven with middle school Science Fair-level physics. Now it just for appreciating the press conference Belichick conducted like the maestro he is:

After defiantly stating that he had put an unbelievable amount of time on this topic, more than he ever had in his career, and it was taking up time he should've been spending getting ready for the Seahawks, he threw us this breaking pitch: 

"I'm not an expert in footballs. I'm not an expert in football measurements… I would not say that I'm the Mona Lisa Vito of the football world as she was in the car expertise area.”

Deadpan deliveries don't get any deader or more panny than his in this moment. Some in the packed room laughed a little. But most just seemed thrown off by hearing him make a pop culture reference like this. Personally, once I realized what was happening, I was giddy. Even though he was working my side of the street. And stunned to discover he was a fan of early '90s comedies. 

I mean, who doesn't appreciate that film? Joe Pesci, fresh off his Oscar for Goodfellas, adding to his pantheon of comedies that includes Easy Money, Lethal Weapon 2 and the Home Alones. Ralph Maccio getting some much-deserved work as an adult having outgrown the Karate Kid franchise. 

And most of all, Marisa Tomei in her own Oscar-winning performance. Hilarious, sharp, and absolutely stunning:

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I'll never forget how, within minutes, the top trending topics on Twitter were:

• Belichick
• Mona Lisa Vito
• My Cousin Vinny
• Marisa Tomei
• Deflategate

And to the extent that it was possible - and please understand I'm not going for the pun here but it's unavoidable - he took all the oxygen out of the non-troversy. At least for a little while. 

What followed was Brady's own press conference. Like Belichick, he was at that point unaware of how far off all the measurements were or how the cold affects the air in a football. Unlike Belichick, he treated the allegation he cheated like it was serious and his accusers as serious people. He gave it all a respect it didn't deserve. When he would've been better off making a reference to Pesci's Gone Fishin' or 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag instead. 

But then, as now, there is only one Master of the Press Conference. Tomorrow I'll get back to some on-field coaching genius. But this one earned a mention.