I have accepted the position of CEO at Barstool Sports

Large1/19/2024 5:00 PM

FULL DISCLOSURE: I have not been offered the position of CEO at Barstool Sports... But to save time once the inevitable offer hits my inbox, I decided to write this blog.

Why me?

No clue... However, I feel an argument could be made for me versus virtually anyone else in the firm, and I heard that Dave is "kinda" on board when he was asked about me as a candidate on Barstool Radio. When posed with the possibility of me stepping into Erika's very expensive pumps, Dave said... And I quote, "Yeah... Maybe Large... Large isn't the worst."

"Large isn't the worst"?... I'll take it!

Giphy Images.

Also, these kind words were said by my co-workers/friends about my candidacy…

It seems like I am a shoo-in, so what's my first act as Erika's inevitable CEO replacement?

Well, first off, I want to get Mintzy fired again.

And how will I justify his firing, you may ask?

I will just leave a hot mic in Mintzy's bathroom as he sings DMX in the shower.

What's my second act as CEO?

Hire Mintzy back.

Nothing garners support like showing mercy to crowd favorites, and although Ben was labeled a racist by a few tight-asses after his last slip-up, almost everyone else accepted him as dumb-but-never-malicious. I fall into that second category, so the pain I will feel when I use my executive power to fire Mintzy's ass will hopefully be eclipsed by the joy I experience when I allow that sonofabitch to come crawling back yet again.

Outside of that, I got nothing, but fuck your degree… Much like we did with Davey Day Trader (remember that shit?), Portnoy and I will figure it out on the fly.