Watching Matt Patricia's Defense End the Eagles' Season is the Sweetest Form of Schadenfreude

Steph Chambers. Getty Images.

Let's establish one important point before we proceed. I harbor no ill will toward Matt Patricia. Yes, he was at the controls of the plane crash that was the 2022 Patriots offense. But he was put in an impossible position and since things actually somehow managed to get worse in 2023, he deserves a pass. Besides, in his first tour of duty in New England he wore a lot of Barstool t-shirts, including the Goodell Clown one on a team flight, so I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the man. 

What will forever be harder to excuse than him ruining Mac Jones, and turning a confident, capable rookie quarterback into a damaged, quivering Jell-O mold riding the bench is the job he did against the Eagles in Super Bowl LII. Easily one of the worst performances by a quality defense in postseason history. One that resulted in scores on eight of Philly's 10 possessions squandered a 500-yard , 3 TD, 0 INT passing game by Tom Brady. In fact the Patriots as a team produced 613 yards of total offense, only turned the ball over once, gave up one sack, and still lost. A cataclysm so memorable that last spring I joked about how the Eagles hired him just as a Thank You for giving them a ring they shouldn't have:

Well who's laughing now? 

Honestly, I and every Patriots fan I know was stunned when it was announced Nick Sirianni stripped Nick Desai of his playcalling duties and handed the playsheet to Patricia. [Pause for visual gag.]

This move came after back-to-back losses to San Francisco and Dallas, two of the best offenses in the league. To put it mildly, the results were not what the Eagles were shooting for.

Under Desai, 24.6 points per game. Under Patricia, 27.8. And Seattle, the Giants (twice), Arizona and Tampa are The Greatest Shows on Turf of nobody's generation. 

A similar thing happened in Detroit on Patricia's watch. Where the Lions went from 21st in points allowed under Jim Caldwell in 2017 to 16th, then 26th, then dead last as Patricia was fired. 

So to hand the defensive reigns over to him down the stretch of a playoff run was a triumph of optimism over experience. Behold the result:

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And my favorite clip of all, since it went largely unnoticed. Watch the way the nose and the right tackle go two completely different directions and leave a gap you could've gained 10 yards through if you were riding the handifat scooter at a WalMart:

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That's not garbage tackling or a receiver running himself open. That's communication. Play design. Calls. Adjustments. In other words, coaching. This demonstrates Patricia's defense's utter lack of preparedness in a playoff game. If that doesn't say it all, maybe this does:

BleedingGreenNation - The Eagles’ first half. Poor tackling: Tampa Bay gained 113 yards after the catch, 63 yards gained after contact. Tampa Bay scored on their first four drives, and it could have been worse if the Bucs had not dropped numerous passes. Tampa Bay outgained the Eagles, 242-182, which is 68 yards more than what Tampa Bay had for the entire game in their Week 3 loss to the Eagles. The Bucs controlled the ball for 19:06 to the Eagles’ 10:54.

Again, that's just in the first half. Things did not improve. Which shouldn't have surprised anyone. But apparently the Eagles never saw it coming because they had confidence enough to put Matty P. in charge, despite all evidence to the contrary. 

It would take a heart of stone not to laugh. Because despite seeing first hand how incapable Patricia is just six years ago - after benefiting from his incompetence and being reminded of it every time they walk into the stadium and look up at the banner he gift wrapped for them, they put him in charge anyway. It's as if the Confederates watched Lincoln relieve General McClellin of command for losing battle after battle when he had a huge numbers advantage and decided to hire him and make him Robert E. Lee's second in command. 

Anyone in New England could've told the Eagles what a stupid mistake they were making. But it's not like we would have. If we had, we'd have missed out on the pure joy of watching him end their season the way he ended ours in 2017. He'll likely get fired after this, but the damage done cannot be undone. And while this doesn't come close to evening the score from Super Bowl LII, it helps a little.