HANG THE BANNER! The Colts Finished The Season Way Better Than Expected!

John Rich1/07/2024 4:53 AM

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THEY WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!

Now that we got that out of the way, I'm not going to let myself be angry. The loudest of neighs go out to the Indianapolis Colts organization. At the beginning of this year, I heard multiple people pick the Colts as their dark horse bet to finish with the worst record in all of the NFL. Even I had expected something close to that. I thought, "Fuck it, might as well get another top 5 draft pick." But holy shit were we wrong.

As far as today's game went, it got off to a hot start. Colts offense looks just fine and dandy on their opening drive. Even though they had to settle for a field goal, the vibes in Lucas Oil were immaculate. Then a minute later the vibes flipped on their head.

At that point Jim Irsay should have popped open the roof. The Colts could clearly run the ball. The Texans couldn't. Let the elements come into play Jim. I have to think that would have benefited the Colts. They couldn't do shit on offense outside of Jonathan Taylor. JT showed the fuck up today with 30 carries for 188 yards and a huge touchdown. Outside of him, they could not have looked more pathetic on offense in that first half.

But still they were in it. The way I saw the first half, I think the Texans played FAR too conservative. They had multiple opportunities to step on our throats. Two times at or inside the 50 yard line they decided to punt on 4th and short (i.e. coward punts). Both at times where they were moving the ball fairly easily. But DeMeco Ryan went conservative and pinned the Colts deep. I'm no football expert, but I do know that both times the Texans sent their punt team out I thought, "Oh thank god their punting". I think the measure of a bad punt is when the opposing fans are all relieved by it. Not to mention a Texans' season high in penalties. The gave the Colts tons of second chance opportunities, and bailed them out of multiple bad situations. I could have easily been a 2-3 score game.

But because of that, the Colts went into halftime down only 1 score. They made some adjustments, Gardner Minshew sacrificed a goat in the locker room, and they came out a brand new team in the 2nd half.

But it wasn't enough in the end. The missed 57 yard field goal by Matt Gay killed us. A huge missed tackle when we had the Texans at 2nd & 20 in the 4th quarter killed us. The C.J. Stroud to Niko Collins combo repeatedly killed us over and over then fucked our dead corpse.

The Colts had their shot on the final drive too. Texans left the door open with a missed extra point. Our last drive went exactly as they wanted it to. They ran the clock down to almost zero so to not give the Texans offense any time. But they FUCKING couldn't finish in the end.

I don't want to question Shane Steichen, because he's been nothing but incredible all year. He was a legitimate Coach of the Year candidate. But idk about those last couple plays. Burning a timeout before their final 4th & 1 was the difference between getting the ball back with 30 seconds left or not at all. Pulling Jonathan Taylor before that 4th & 1 after he'd been carrying the Colts offense on his back all game long. Only to put in Tyler Goodson lined up next to Gardner Minshew in shotgun formation. And drop the ever living shit out of the football.

But that drops not on Steichen. Hard to give him too much shit when he called a perfect play in the end. You have to trust any skill position on your roster to make that play. Unless his name is Kadarius Toney.

Tough way to go out for the Colts. But to put a bow on this season, lets all keep in mind that football isn't only about winning the Super Bowl (like major media outlets such as Barstool Sports will lead you to believe). The Colts gave us 18 weeks of meaningful football this year. Every Sunday we had a reason to watch (except for maybe that one Germany game against the Patriots. Not sure if that one was worth waking up before noon). That was more than any Colts fan could have hoped for or expected this season.

Keep in mind that a football season is about more than on the field success. Football is about the fun you had along the way. It's about your delusional drug addict owner promising millions of dollars to transport an elderly whale across the country.

(The whale died before it could be transported. Nobody talks about this, but we can't rule out the fact that the whale found out about the move and became so overwhelmed by the logistics of the whole thing that he just decided to die. It's very possible Jim Irsay killed that whale).

It's also about that same owner declaring that he's been discriminated against as a white billionaire in central Indiana.

Then proceeding to get in a pissing match with ESPN's First Take. A pissing match which included Jim Irsay referencing his "Black mother Dorothy

I found Dorothy by the way.

It's about more than "winning a Super Bowl" or "making the playoffs" or "not being in football purgatory where no matter what your franchise does you'll just hover around .500 every season and will BEST case MAYBE win 1 playoff game"…..

Fuck…. they really should have won that game. That's ok though. The Colts will be back again next year. Almost certainly in the exact same position as they were this year. Regardless of who's playing quarterback. Yes, I am concerned that our best quarterback, Anthony Richardson, is made entirely of glass. But at least we have one of the best, if not the best, backup QB in the league to take the reins. The Colts are who they always are. Fantastic season guys.

NEIGH