The Philadelphia Eagles Piss Themselves And Lose At Home To The 3-12 Cardinals
Remember when this Eagles team was 5-0? How about 10-1? Those were fun-ish times, even if they really weren't. Now, the Philadelphia Eagles have now lost 3 of their last 4 games and are now 11-5 on the season. Embarrassing. In fact, just the notion this 2023 Eagles team won 11 games and competed for NFC Homefield needs to be sent away to Vienna or something and studied by the smartest psych people on Earth. Unreal level of fraud. Especially on defense. Just a shit effort from top to bottom vs. an objectively bad team led by a man who most BEGGED to be gone after last year's Super Bowl. You know him. This guy.
Yup. That guy. Good for him but simultaniously fuck that guy.
Damn you Eagles for actually giving us expectations. You're supposed to be at least acting like you're competing for the #1 NFC Seed. But this...this was bad. There were two really good things in this game. First was this gift of a Pick-6 outside Ari's RZ which, combined with the obvious time of possession (39.39 to 20:21), shows how much the Cardinals really dominated the game off the scoreboard.
And that old dude whose future Philly-Area Quizzo questions 5+ years from now will result in a "Oh yeah, he was an Eagle" scoring twice in the 1st half.
Advertisement
Outside of a few other offensive plays, that's really it. Hurts had 3 TD's and played fine-good. D'Andre Swift is great when he gets the ball the once or twice a game he's called to give the team a spark. Oh and Jake Elliot. God Save Jake Elliot.
That's really it. Because the Eagles defense (and the playcalling, but mostly the D). The cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit they are Eagles defense really just takes the entire team/city/life down. They went from Sean Desia to a Sean Desia who wasn't allowed to call 3rd downs (huh?) - the worst 3rd down defense in the league got somehow worse on 3rd down at that point, btw - to Matt Patricia and it's only gotten bad to shitty to now historically shat. Yeah, there are injuries and the season is tiring blah blah blah. This team was the #1 team vs. the rush for most of the season then like 5 weeks ago - WOOP! They've been swish cheese on D. James Conner hasn't done dick all year and he whips out a 128 yard day on the Eagles. 449 total yards for the Cards. Murray had all day to do whatever and was 25-31. It's embarrassing.
Yeah, the Giants are next week. And it looks like Dallas has a very realistic a chance to take the NFC East if they beat the Commanders in Week 17. So…essentially the Eagles are now a 5 seed. Yup. The once 10-1 NFL leading Eagles will probably go from #1 seed with the playoffs coming thru South Philly and a BYE Week to going on the road in the Wildcard round as a 5 seed. Cute. I'm not saying give them the Old Yeller treatment yet, but let's be real. The Eagles aren't stopping anybody thru the playoffs. Only chance is if they score 40+ a game. They are that embarrassing and are approaching the point where they might just need to be put down. Not just for them, but for us.
PS - WTF Arizona? What the shit we do to you? Jesus the dropoff in the Phillies yearbook video is depressing.