Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 15: Patriots vs. Chiefs

Jerry Thornton12/18/2023 2:40 PM

Things to consider while wondering where Taylor Swift gets off having the State Police Motorcade Escort treatment from her place in Warwick. I mean, who does she think she is? Doug Mirabelli?

--The good news is, at least the rest of the nation was spared from having this game ruin their last Monday night before Christmas. This time of year is all about enjoying the little blessings of life.

--If you're one of those people arguing that Bill Belichick is past his prime - that it's time to call in a Silver Alert on him or at the very least contact Visiting Angels, America's choice in home care [tm] - then this game gave you plenty of ammo as you plead your case. The cliche about how December is the Patriots time of year, when they're more prepared than everyone else, make fewer mistakes, and are just beginning to peak, hasn't been true for a long time. Not even Tom Brady's last year. And it couldn't be further from the truth now. This team started the season stepping on rakes in big moments and it's only gotten worse as we've gone along here. Brendan Schooler's hold negating a 46-yard return on the the opening kick. Yet another duck hook off the foot of the thoroughly unreliable Chad Ryland. Conor McDermott's hold taking a touchdown off the board. A complete defensive breakdown on a simple screen pass. A hold on Alex Austin X-ing out a fumble recovery. Bailey Zappe's inexcusable interception. Big, wet brain sharts at critical junctures in winnable games haven't just become common; they are the 2023 Patriots defining characteristic.

--And there's another disturbing trend that will bolster your argument that Belichick is sundowning before our eyes. There's a notable drop off as the game goes on pretty much every week now. Certainly on offense. From the time the Pats took a 10-7 lead, they ran all of two plays from scrimmage until there was just over nine minutes to go in the 3rd. Those were running out the clock to end the half and Zappe's pick. By the time they ran their next snap, they were down 24-10. And while the NFL intelligentsia loves to say that halftime adjustments are overrated, Andy Reid came out of the locker room and schemed Rasheed Rice open for 22 yards to start a 13-play drive and went field goal, touchdown, field goal to put the game out of reach.

--More concerning still is how Zappe melts like a candle as a game wears on. On the season, his 1st half passer rating is 115.5, with 4 TDs, 0 INTs and 3 sacks. In the 2nd half, it's 43.3, with 0 TDs, 4 INTs and 10 sacks. And yesterday he was 6-for-12 with 39 yards after the half. I'd say he's like a starting pitcher who will give you four or five good innings, I don't think that's true. He's more like one of those "opener" pitchers they're trying to ruin baseball with. That guy who goes once through the batting to save your actual starter for the next two times through the lineup. Let's call him the Patriots' fluffer. They just don't have an adult film starlet to bring in, so he has no choice but to shoot the scene as well.

--The real shame of it is, Zappe and the coaching staff came in with a plan to be aggressive and take shots upfield. Not exactly deep balls, but at least working the intermediate areas, hitting Hunter Henry and DeVante Parker. In particular, making use of Parker's ability to make contested catches:

... which was supposed to be the reason he was brought here but hasn't been seen much. It looked very much like a fair and accurate depiction of a real NFL passing attack for a while there. The problem though is that this offense has zero margin for error. Every speed bump might as well have those spikes that blow your tires if you try to exit the parking garage through the entrance without paying. A bizarre facemask penalty on Demario Douglas (I defy anyone to cite an example of that ever being called on a receiver on his own reception) and a sack by Derrick Nnadi (simply outmuscling McDermott) put New England in a 1st & 25. So Bill O'Brien went conservative enough to win the Iowa Caucus to set up Ryland's miss. Everything has to go perfectly for this team to put points on the board. Overcoming mistakes and soldiering on to keep moving the chain and finish drives is SO 2018.

--And credit O'Brien for showing he's got a pair by trusting Zappe to take a shot on 4th & 1. He lined them up in a Jumbo I-formation with Pharoah Brown at fullback, Henry hit Leo Chenal to sell the run fake before releasing up the seam past Willie Gay, Jr. and Zappe timed his throw perfectly:

--But that was 1st half Smeagol Zappe. Whereas 2nd half Gollum Zappe demonstrated he's not to be trusted, with a couple of throws that compete with the worst Mac Jones has ever thrown. Most significantly the interception, which was intended for … who, exactly?:

The President and First Lady don't get protected in a crowd by their Secret Service detail as well as Brown and Henry were covered on this one. Maybe Zappe is so prone to these errors because he's confident he can make these throws. Which would be a great trait to have if he could actually make them. Instead it's just a Dunning-Kruger Effect. Like Marcus Smart thinking he's the guy who should be shooting threes late in close games or me thinking I'm a good driver. As Inspector Dirty Harry Callahan put it, "A man's got to know his limitations."

--There's no question that Belichick and Reid are boys. (I mean that in the friendship sense, I'm not just gendering them.) It's not hard to imagine them hanging out in the offseason. Taking turns hosting sleepovers where they stay up after lights out, talking about girls or telling ghost stories while holding flashlights under their faces to make it extra spooky. So it has to be hard on Reid to witness Belichick struggles. Especially if Reid is anything like the big, lovable, oaf he comes across as when he's stealing fries from Patrick Mahomes and Jake from State Farm. So I respect him for respecting Belichick by not taking it easy on him. In fact, for throwing looks at him that have never been seen in Chiefs' game film, and for which the Patriots had no answer. This goal line look, with all 11 players, including Mahomes, in a 3-point stance was a stroke of genius:

It was like something out the leather helmet days. Straight from the Stooges "Three Little Pigskins" episode. You'd think a play design that unique would be something you'd keep in a secret pocket of your playbook Trapper Keeper, only to be used in some critical moment of a playoff game or whatever. The fact he sprung it on a 3-10 team speaks volumes about his feelings for their coach. That he still regards him as a threat, even if no one else does.

--That said, since that team is now 3-11, it's fair to ask whether anyone associated with it should be regarded as a threat. This screen pass was absolute child's play. The Patriots had a 6-man line, all of whom bit on the play action. Trey Smith sold his block on Christian Barmore before letting him through. Creed Humphrey engaged Davon Godchaux just long enough to sucker him into think he'd beaten the block. Then both set up a wall in front of Clyde Edwards-Helaire. A wall in search of someone to block. Jabrill Peppers broke through but couldn't wrap up. And the Chiefs were on a direct flight to the red zone with no stopovers:

--If anything, I kind of wish Reid had gone for another touchdown at the end of the game. In a reverse logic kind of way, not kicking someone when they're down is the true sign of disrespect. It's like taking it easy on an old, decrepit fighter at the end of his career. Say what you will about Ivan Drago, but he at least treated Apollo like he was still the champ when he punched him into an early grave.

--If there's positive takeaway from this one besides the country being spared from having to witness it, it's that a few semi-new Patriots are getting chances. Either through the injuries or ineffectiveness of others, or just a desire to evaluate talent among the backups, we're getting looks at the depth guys. A few of whom made the most of their chances. I'll begin with Keion White, simply for his hustle on that Edwards-Helaire catch and run. Granted, he didn't make the tackle. But that's 290 pounds in full pursuit of 207, in a 45-yard sprint, and he damned near caught up with him. Regardless, he never broke off the chase when most defensive tackles would have assumed their role in the play was over after about the first 10-15 yards.

--Another being Marte Mapu, who in my opinion has been grossly misused as a high safety most of the year. But when put into a role more suited to a 6-3, 230 lb hybrid strong safety/linebacker, made the play of his rookie season:

--On the other side of the ball, it was Kevin Harris, who got skinny through the hole opened by David Andrews and Antonio Mafi and then broke tackles the rest of the way:

This might be a topic for another blog, but if changes are made, I'd like the new management to put an end to this practice of drafting running backs and then having them be redshirt freshmen in their rookie seasons. They did it with Damien Harris, Rhamondre Stevenson, with all their 3rd down backs through the years. And now with Kevin Harris who only now touched the ball in is second season, despite the fact the team is down to it's last running back. If a guy can play, he can play. If he can't, he's a waste of a roster spot. And squandering the rookie season of every RB (with the exception of Sony Michel) is an even bigger waste of resources.

--By no means is Jahlani Tavai one of the depth guys I'm talking about. Over the last two seasons he's emerged as a staple of the defense. A tough, run-stuffing, sideline-to-sideline defender and an excellent compliment to Ju'Whaun Bentley on the second level. One of those outstanding roster additions GM Bill has made a career out of, picking him up off waivers when he was released by Detroit who gave up on him just two seasons after they drafted him 43rd overall. However, I'd have considered waiving him too if Kansas City recovered this ball:

Clean that up, Tavai. You're too good a player for that ragtime. Then again, that's the sort of shenanigans this team pulls now. It's in their DNA.

--It should be noted that Christian Barmore is the best player on the Patriots active roster. Without question, he's the best we have. That's it. That's the paragraph.

--It's been my honor and privilege to write this long without mentioning Travis Kelce. Because he was a non-factor, with five catches for just 28 yards. Through a combination of looks, mostly it seems with a lot of zone coverages and bracketing him with a Jalen Mills (I think) and safety, the Patriots took him out of the game for the most part. And even when they didn't, he was nice enough to take himself out:

I guess when the whole point of your fake dating relationship is to sell football (and Covid booster shots) to a young, female demographic, you don't waste your best performances on a Sunday at 1:00 regional game.

--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote: "I love ya. We all love ya. But this is a terrible night. . . . And you’re too good a father to act like this. In years to come you want your children and your family to remember all the love you gave us. . . You just cocked it up. It’s OK. It happens." - Clark Griswold, Sr. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

--As if we don't have enough to worry about, the only reason we were all letting out a collective "WHO???" when Austin was flagged for that holding call was JC Jackson was a last minute scratch. Due to some kind of personal issue no one is talking about. Stay tuned on that. What a strange trip it's been for him the last couple of years.

--Let's end this on a high note. From now until January 7th, it'll be "Tonight … we … are all … Panthers."