The Only Person That Got More Emasculated Than The Eagles Did Against The Cowboys On Sunday Night Was This Eagles Fan That Got His Ass Kicked By A Cowboys Fan In What Appeared To Be A WWE Hardcore Match
"Alexa, please translate gif to human form"
Damn Philly. I thought the Eagles getting emasculated last night by everyone with a star on their helmet from Dak to Brandon fucking Aubrey on national TV was going to be the biggest beatdown coming out of Big D (haha, Big D). But that video was somehow an even bigger dagger to the souls of The Birds and their fans on this Defeat Monday.
It's one thing for an NFL team to get picked apart by their division rival in a game that felt over as soon as it started. I'm no stranger to that and to be honest, I can't even remember the last time the Giants beat the Cowboys with Dak starting for them. The Eagles just finished an absolute gauntlet on their schedule, were sucking air after the Niners gashed the living hell out of them, then got their doors blown off in prime time shortly after Carrie Underwood's golden pipes and stems exited the screen.
I can also understand losing a fight to a fan of a rival team because division fights are different just like division games are. If you already have worms in your brain to the point you think fighting someone because they root for a different group of strangers that play a kid's game is normal, you definitely think that it is your duty as a fan to mollywhop someone that dares to wear the colors of an opposing team you hate due to familiarity.
But to get your ass kicked to the point you are getting your oil checked with your shirt over your head while a bunch of dudes wearing cowboy hats hoot and holler at you as a bunch of guys with oversized chains wrapped around their necks record everything on their iPhones is a disgrace to everyone that cheers for the same color laundry as you.
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Considering where the Cowboys and their fans stand in the eyes of Philly fans, that's just a devastating visual to the Eagles franchise and fanbase. I don't know if it's as bad as Donovan McNabb puking in the Super Bowl or (insert another embarrassing story about the Eagles and their fans that does NOT involve throwing snowballs at Santa because I know talking about that makes them very upset). But it's up there.
The only spinzone I have for Eagles fans is that this all may have been some sort of fake fight set up by the people that run the Cowboys Stadium because everything about the brawl just seemed too perfect like it was staged like a WWE hardcore match. You have the gladiators smashing into expensive merch, heads being slammed into a table, and a full crowd of people (including what may be kids) cheering the fighters on without a care in the world about getting sucked into the donnybrook.
Actually, considering it's easier to find a fight at an NFL game than overpriced food or a crowded bathroom, maybe everyone is numb to seeing two grown men smash each others faces in. In that case, I'd also be more concerned with catching the right angle of their fight on their phone than a stray haymaker. Nonetheless, I shutter at the thought of what Eagles fans will do to right this wrong at their next home game against the Cowboys, which could be as early as this January.
To any Cowboys fan that wears the star to that game, I have a message for you.