The Chiefs Fan Mom Whose Son Deadspin Tried to Shame Takes Her Mother Bear Claws Out
Pictured here is the family of the Kansas City Chiefs fan I mentioned earlier who was the target of an attempted shaming by the obsolete, abandoned sports "humor" website that is Deadspin for the sins of being painting his face in team colors, wearing the traditional headdress of his people, and being shown on the broadcast of the game:
While those of us who go through our one and only trip around this little planet seeking out joy and beauty reacted with a collective "Awww" at the sight of a happy child having harmless fun with his family at a public event, the sad worker drones over at the vestigial organ of the sports internet saw an opportunity to take offense. Where we saw the wonderful innocence of youth, they saw a hate crime in progress. And as we were merely hoping CBS would get back to the football, they went to their default setting of demanding ... wait for it ... SOMETHING BE DONE ABOUT THIS!
Well, there's one calculation Deadspin forgot to factor into their outrage formula. I'm not talking about the fact this lad had red and black facepaint on. Or that he was perfectly justified to be wearing a symbol of his cultural heritage on his head. No, they made a much bigger mistake. Maybe the socially awkward introverts over at the "Coolest Kids on the Internet" are themselves incapable of bearing children or something. But they forgot that children have mothers.
And Hell hath no fury like a mother whose child has been attacked on the internet by the kinds of pussies who pick on kids. Mrs. Armenta is certainly no exception.
Like most women of a certain age, she fought back on the home turf of moms and grandmothers everywhere: Facebook. Her opening salvo was mild enough, keeping it mostly positive:
Then went full mother bear directly at Deadspin, like Ursa Major circling Ursa Minor in the northern sky to protect her cub from the rest of the cosmos:
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Then shamed some feeble douchey TikTokker who dared to come after her young into deleting a video:
And once the threats were chased off, she brought it back around to positivity and her love for her child, as any mother would in order to show him the danger is gone and everything is back to normal:
That's the maternal instinct in a nutshell. It's what made Sarah Conner step right up to the T2 putting shotgun holes through his torso. It's what made Ripley go back into the space station to get Newt back from the alien queen. It's what drove The Bride to kill Bill. And it's one of the most terrifying and yet beautiful aspects of nature.
A loving mother's Facebook posts are all well and good. But lawyering up is better. The lawsuit is mightier than the keyboard. I repeat what I said earlier, there'd be nothing better than for this family to sue Deadspin and finally put that moribund site out of our misery. Just end it, once and for all. The next young football fan you save may be your own.
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(Satire:)