We've Had Yet Another Flight Canceled Due to a Passenger Pooping on the Floor

Bloomberg. Getty Images.

It's been said that once is an accident, twice is a coincidence and three times is a trend. But when the subject we're discussing is airline passengers taking dumps on the floor of packed flights:

… and it happens a second time in a matter of weeks, I think we can skip the protocols. Let's just declare this a full-blown social contagion:

Daily Mail -  Outraged passengers were left stranded in Tenerife last night after easyJet cancelled a delayed flight to London Gatwick because a customer 'defecated on the toilet floor'.

Footage shared online and to MailOnline show pieces of toilet paper littering the aeroplane's walkway, while another captures the pilot explaining that the flight has been cancelled. 

The clip begins during his speech, with the pilot saying: 'rather entertaining to defecate the front toilet so we're now staying the night here, we're now going to get everyone off… and organise hotels then we'll fly back tomorrow morning.'

Flight EZY8054 …had already been delayed several hours before it was eventually cancelled. …

Passengers [were told to board a flight the next day as] easyJet admitted it was 'unable to find hotel rooms in the area', forcing customers to sort out their own last-minute accommodation for the night. …

The second aeroplane was said to be smaller 'so it was absolute chaos', according to [a] passenger, who explained how people were offered £500 vouchers if they volunteered to leave the flight.

'No one took it,' said the passenger. 'So then they had to remove ten people from the plane, which caused lots of arguing, and that literally took two hours. 

'But then once they got those ten people off, the plane was heavy because we were at full capacity. So then they were randomly putting our luggage on other people's flights to Gatwick, and that took hours again.' …

Taking to X (formerly Twitter), one person wrote: 'Real good of @easyJet to delay the flight 3.5 hours with 0 communication then decide to cancel it altogether because someone took a s* on the toilet floor. Quite literally couldn’t make this s* up.' 

At the risk of repeating myself, air travel is not only the one part of modern life that hasn't gotten better/easier/faster/more convenient, it's gotten appreciably worse. And continues to get worse by the week. 

It's 2023, for crying out loud. As a kid I thought by now we'd have Star Trek-like transporters. Or at the very least, supersonic planes that would whisk you from city to city in comfort and luxury a matter of minutes. But in 70 or so years, we've gone from passengers in business attire being waited on hand and foot by friendly, flirty stewardi to worse conditions than 19th century settlers crossing the prairie. I mean, at least all they had to face was disease, starvation and the occasional attack from the locals. Dad wasn't hopping down off the buckboard to drop a deuce in the middle of the Conestoga while mom was tending to the young'uns. And their animals were pulling the wagons, not taking up room so some fragile little daisy could have emotional support. 

And while I hate to blame the victims in all this, at some point it comes down to you paying for what you get. Choose a "budget airline" and, as the X poster put it, you quite literally deal with their shit. Pay easyJet prices, get the easyJet travel experience. Where, if anything, someone dropping a Finless Brownfish on the floor of the head ends up being the least of your problems. Because you're traveling with easyJet passengers, who are the people too poor and with too little self-respect to fly Spirit Airlines. So you have no right to act surprised when one of them decides to leave a Sewer Trout next to the toilet. Which is no accident, given the opening between the edge of the bowl and the wall is about 1/10th of the hole in the seat. By purchasing that ticket, you have made a conscious decision to fly with the sorts of subhumans who will go out of their way to squeeze out a Monkey Tail for the next guy to find and go back to his/her seat like it was nothing. You brought that on yourself. 

So if I may make a suggestion here, let's just put it in writing that when you book your flight, whether or not there'll be no shit on the floor is entirely dependent on how much you're willing to spend. Pay for the premium airlines, you don't have deal with poop. Same goes for animals, screaming kids, and giant fatties who take up half your personal space. Save a few bucks with some off-brand airline, ya takes yer chances. It's just like First Class, Business Class and Economy Class, we're just adding No Class. Otherwise known as Human Feces Class. That way, everybody wins.