Unexpected Genius of the Week, Part I

Large10/17/2023 6:30 PM

"God takes care of the drunk and the stupid." - Psalms 116:6

"Thank you, God." - Tommy Fury

Sometimes people who are not what you would traditionally call "brilliant" are able to pull off some brilliant and fantastically profitable capers because we live in a society that celebrates the stupid. I am guilty of said celebration because it is my job, and I am willing to sacrifice the destruction of our humanity's standards in return for a paycheck and benefits.

One such celebrated brilliant idiot is Tommy Fury... A man with great looks and an even better last name, but also a man who lacks any real skill inside of a boxing ring.

Giphy Images.

The half-brother of the generationally talented heavyweight champion of the world, Tyson Fury, has a record of 10-0 with 4 KOs against a group of opponents that are totally unrecognizable to even the most seasoned boxing fan. Those 10 fights have lasted a combined 38 rounds in which Tommy has never shown the skill or potential his half-brother seems to have in spades.

Still, that limited skillset was more than enough to beat some YouTuber named KSI in a PPV event over the weekend that probably put up some fucking NUMBERS.

Matt McNulty. Getty Images.

I cannot lie… Not only did I watch both Main Events on Saturday night, I paid full price for the PPV ($55)… I was sitting in a frat house in Alabama (Rush PIKE!) with a group of kids who seemed genuinely interested in the combatants involved, so when the illegal stream started to glitch, I swooped in with a credit card to get the show back on the road.

Normally I get free codes for such events… Particularly when I am covering the fight… But this time I had to go to the hip for what wound up being some of the worst boxing I have ever witnessed outside of Rough N Rowdy.

Giphy Images.

(Shizzat!)

The only thing that proved entertaining was someone seated ringside named Maura Higgins, who showed up in pasties that looked just like the Memorial Day poppies old veterans sell outside of grocery stores in May…

Kevin Parry. Shutterstock Images.

Apparently, Maura was a contestant on something called Love Island alongside Tommy Fury. She has a closet full of skimpy dresses, and she's not afraid to use them…

Gareth Cattermole. Getty Images.

Also here…

David Fisher. Shutterstock Images.

And here…

Joe Maher. Getty Images.

But back to the genius…

There are conflicting estimates as to just how much Tommy has made in the past 8 months, but between the PPV share of the Fury vs Paul circus in February plus the paycheck for the Fury vs KSI debacle last weekend, it seems Tommy Boy made somewhere in the neighborhood of $7-10 million. It's probably more than that, but for the skeptics, cut that number in half and you still have an amount that Tommy would never make losing to boxers who are actually good at the sport.

Fury still talks about his eventual return to the professional ranks and his hopes of one day becoming a world champion. But I think even he knows that he can probably squeeze another $10 million dollars or so out of this influencer boxing bullshit before he even thinks about fighting someone who doesn't make duck faces for a living.

Giphy Images.

(I believe this kid was on the undercard.)

The Paul Brothers, KSI, and Dillon Danis did all the heavy lifting from the promotional end, while Tommy simply showed up and used his limited skills to pounce a gentleman who was even more limited.

Boxing purists call this money grab "shameless" and "disgraceful", but the rest of us should see it for what it is… Pure unadulterated genius.

Congrats, Tommy… You big dumb rich guy.

Take a report.

-Large

Before any bible thumpers come at me, I am aware Psalms 116:6 actually says, “The Lord protects the simple and the childlike.” but I changed it to the "drunk and stupid" because I believe in a living bible.