Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 6: Patriots vs. Raiders

Things to consider while acknowledging two things Pubescent Jerry fell in love with suffered tragic losses yesterday:

--We've entered a whole new phase of torment in this long, regional nightmare we're being forced to endure. Where it's not enough to merely lose; we have to lose ironically. As a sort of divine retribution for our past sins. Maybe for our hubris. Perhaps we angered the gods. Or it could be simply to put the scales of the universe back into balance after so much success. Whatever the reason, we're suffering such an exactly specific form of retribution, it can only be by someone's grand design. The way thieves would have their hands bound for eternity in pits in the eighth circle of Dante's Inferno. The way the Greek gods tied Prometheus to a rock and had a giant bird eat out his innards, only to heal him and have the bird come back for seconds, thirds and infinities forever. Think what Carla Cugino is doing to everyone in the family in The Fall of the House of Usher. Or Homer being sent to Hell Labs' Ironic Punishment Division:

--There might be a simpler explanation for losing to Josh McDaniels with Brian Hoyer at quarterback as a Jimmy Garoppolo-to-Jakobi Meyers touchdown is the difference in the game and Adam Butler kills a drive with a crucial sack. But anyone who lived through the pre-2004 Red Sox can confirm sometimes these things aren't mere coincidences; there's an intelligent design behind them. Don't forget that when Aaron Boone ended the 2003 ALCS with a home run off Tim Wakefield (RIP to him too), the third man in the booth the whole series was his brother, Brett. Presumably because Derek Jeter's sister wasn't available. Sometimes greater forces are at work. This has to be one of them. It's preposterous, I know. But it's all I got. 

--Of course, the Occam's Razor solution for all this may just be that if you did a decision tree flow chart of every call Bill Belichick has made over the last few years - "Keep Jakobi Meyers?" NO. "Trade for DeVante Parker?" YES. - all the arrows lead you to the bottom square which reads, "1-5." Dozens, scores, hundreds of decisions made by Belichick, some that were objectively wrongheaded - letting Meyers walk, not doing a better job of shoring up the offensive line, making a nepotism hire at offensive coordinator last year, come quickly to mind - others can be blamed on tough breaks, like Christian Gonzalez' injury. But they all lead to the same hideous outcome. Which is that right now Belichick is the architect of what could very well be the worst team in football. 

--And of course what we'll all remember this game for was Parker's drop. A whoopsies of such terrible consequences, it serves as the symbol of everything that is wrong with the 2023 season. If anything, it deserves to be immortalized. I say we name some part of a National Park after it. Mark it on the trail maps, "Scenic View from Parker's Drop." Some wrestler ought to make it his finisher. "From the top rope! Here he comes with Parker's Drop!!! And this match is OVER!" Every Patriots fan should work on naming a sex move after it. "Oh yeah, things went next level when I gave her the ol' Parker's Drop." Anything so that we never forget how egregious it was. Worse, Parker suggested after the game it was off his fingertips:

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The best throw of Mac Jones' career. In a crucial situation. On the kind of Go route where we haven't seen a Patriots receiver get this kind of separation on since the Obama Administration. And at the worst possible time, the guy who said in the offseason we don't need a WR1 because we've already got one, doesn't know his fingertips from his butt hole. 

--Perhaps worse still, though it was in the 2nd quarter and won't get nearly the oxygen Parker's Drop deserves, was that 3rd down route he ran from the Raiders' 24 yard line where Jones threw it three yards behind him. I don't have video, but here's a fair and accurate depiction:

It's one thing to tempo your release in order to freeze a defender and then blow by him. Parker came to a virtual stop at his break. Parker ran his route with all the urgency of guy a walking down the hall at 3am to take a leak. Then broke in against inside leverage instead of out, as Jones was expecting. For the game, Parker had on catch on three targets, a 7-yard sit route under deep zone coverage. That wouldn't get him WR1 status on one of the Olympic Flag Football teams the IOC just approved. But if he wants to go proudly represent his country right now, I wouldn't stop him. 

--The real demoralizer in all this is that the Patriots finally looked like they had, well, if not an actual NFL Offense, at least an NFL Offense Tribute Band. (Whose single "Parker's Drop" will be … OK that's enough. I'm going to Parker Drop this now.) I mean, it took forever to get going. Bill O'Brien talked midweek about having great meetings and coming up with ways to get things moving. Only to come out on the first series with:

• False start by Vederian Lowe
• Ineligible man down field by Trent Brown (declined)
• Incompletion batted by Rhamondre Stevenson into a defender's hands, who Parker Dropped it (last one)
• 6-yard run
• Punt

Later on there was a false start by Sidy Sow, followed by an illegal shift on back-to-back plays. As O'Brien's offense produced -3 yards in the 1st quarter, and four 1st downs in the half. The point being, those meetings should've been an email. 

--But once they settled in, and figured out what the Raiders were giving them, they made the necessary adjustments and started moving the ball. What I was most impressed with is how they worked the flats and curls to get the ball out fast and neutralize Maxx Crosby for the most part. The play that was working best for them were hot routes and Bubble screens to Crosby's side. Which mitigated the fact they left Lowe on his own to solo block him virtually the entire game. (Save for one particular play I'll get to shortly.) One great example of this was Ezekiel Elliot's catch and run out of a Dragon concept. Elliot was the No. 3 strong receiver in an empty set ("Tarzan Right" or "Banzai Right" in their playbook), and ran to the flat, which was cleared out thanks to a Curl by Kendrick Bourne and a Seam by Hunter Henry:

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And even though it came back on Henry's holding call, it was enough for the 1st at a time when they needed to make chains move. And it was a way to take advantage of one of Jones' defining positive traits. Which is making pre-snap decisions and having a quick release. I can't find his passing spray chart for this game, but I imagine it's going to look like the map of Delta flights, with that area outside the numbers and five yards beyond the line of scrimmage his Atlanta. 

--Once again, the guy who came prepared to play his ass off and be where Jones expected him to be was Bourne. This Z-Curl against soft coverage at the sticks where he breaks back on a throw that Jones was able to step into and drive the ball being a prime example:

Make no mistake, in the NFL in its current state, you need a physically dominant metahuman on the outside in order for your offense to be able to function. But if you find that elite guy to lead your attack and you surround him with a bunch of Kendrick Bournes, to be  the Coral Reefer Band to his Jimmy Buffett (also RIP), you could make life miserable for defensive coordinators. As it is, Bourne is your WR1 by default. So we're the ones who are miserable. Producing insane stats like going 30 possessions without a trip to the red zone. I'm just making the case that Bourne is exempt from having to share the blame.

--But enough of the positivity. Let's talk some more about what went wrong. Beginning with - and stop me if you've heard this before - Mac Jones' interception. Crap on a crust. This throw was uglier than the Nissan Cube, and also killed perfectly good drive. And there was no reason for it. Again, Lowe was left stranded by himself on Crosby Island, despite the Pats having five to block four. But Jones had no problems slipping underneath the outside rush and escaping. But then rather than set his feet and get something on the throw to Henry, he threw it like he was trying to avoid the base runner and turn the 6-4-3. With predictable results.

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It would be one thing if this throw came from a rookie. Or from a Pro Bowler with a long history of completing unorthodox passes made out of structure when a play breaks down. The first example is part of the learning process. The second has earned it. Jones' whole state of being right now has to be dedicated to eliminating these mistakes. To quit forcing things and don't be afraid to safely toss the ball into the Raiderettes and huddle up for 3rd & 4. But he simply cannot be relied on to do the smart thing any more. But you have no alternative. Unless you're ready to turn your lonely eyes to Malik Cunningham, in which case I recommend you slow your roll. He took six snaps, had one touch, which I think was supposed to be an RPO, and fooled exactly nobody:

--To, as we say in the terrestrial radio world, pay off the tease from earlier, here's the one time they offered Lowe any sort of help on Crosby. Which was "help" in the sense that you help a drowning man by tossing him an anchor. Mike Gesicki not only didn't touch Crosby, he didn't even redirect him. Then tripped over the goal line as Lowe whiffed on him too:

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--I don't mean to single Lowe out by any means. I thought he did a pretty admirable job considering the assignment he was handed. I assumed he was going to get spun around like a ceiling fan all game. If you told me he'd be taking 60 snaps and probably 55 of them were solo blocking one of the best ends of his generation, I'd have suggested bringing along a few rolls of police tape. But for the most part, they were able to limit the damage. Until they couldn't. Until they were facing a 3rd & 15 in their own end zone needing to drive 75 yards in under 2:00 with no time outs. Which was impossible once that pass went through the meaty part of Parker's thumbs. A 20 year history of being able to put together exactly those kinds of drives in these situations is nothing but nostalgia now. 'Member Berries:

… with no relevance to our current reality. 

--I've taken forever to get to the defense, but the first rule of Journo-ing is that if it bleeds, it leads. And this offense is the Overlook Hotel elevators right now. But as far as the other side of the ball, it was the mixed blessing we've all become accustomed to. Sure, they were highly effective in the red zone. But they also had plenty of practice. They just simply couldn't make a stop between the 20s. Not counting the kneel-down at the end, Las Vegas had eight possessions. One ended on a turnover. Six of the other seven made it to the red zone. That's an impressive number for any team. But especially one that has America's Backup QB under center for half the game. 

--Overall there were just too many 3rd downs conversions allowed. None frustrating than the one right after the Patriots first touchdown since September, when they had some momentum going and a chance to get the ball back with a 3 & out. Instead, Hoyer hit Tre Tucker on a 48 yard Post with Jonathan Jones in coverage. The Patriots showed a pre-snap deep Cover-2 look, but Jabrill Peppers dropped down and bit on a shallow crosser by Meyers, leaving Jones with no help on Tucker, and Hoyer didn't miss:

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--Among the bright spots were both Peppers and Jahlani Tavai, who not only collaborated on one of the few turnovers we've gotten in the last month:

… but were constantly coming downhill to stuff runs and limit yards after catch. In fact, it was Tavai who sent Jimmy G to the sidelines, the locker room, and then the hospital with a clean hit. That hit might have won the game for us if only the Raiders didn't have the unstoppable force of nature that is Brian Hoyer waiting in the wings. But backup QBs of his caliber are hard to come by.

--Another standout was Christian Barmore, who broke up two passes, had a tackle for loss, and was the major reason they held the Raiders to just 84 rushing yards on 33 carries, a 2.5 YPA average. 

--Credit as well goes to JC Jackson, who played almost every down of the game. And even though Steve Belichick has been going with a ton more zone than usual as the secondary has been banged up (and seriously, it's starting to look like the end of some war where a defeated army starts to run out of fighting men, and they're putting old men and teenagers into uniforms that don't fit and handing them rifles they can't carry), but Jackson repeatedly drew the Davante Adams assignment, and stayed with him pretty much all game. Particularly in the end zone, where he threw a blanket over Adams at least twice and forced throwaways. I don't know what happened with Jackson in LA, but the thought of having him on one side and Gonzalez on the other next year is a reason to face the world every morning.

--On the bad side, once again this defense managed to pluck a guy nobody has ever heard of from obscurity and turn him into Superstar for a Day. I don't know how they do it, but it's a tradition around here. Watching Michael Mayer eat the secondary's lunch brought back memories of Chis Matthews in Super Bowl XLIX. But without the happy ending. Jalen Mills complained on X about his playing time last week. But it seemed like every time he was on Mayer, he didn't get close enough to violate a restraining order. Even when he was trying to tackle him, and grabbed nothing but air:

If there's ever a Make-a-Wish recipient who's never played football but wants to experience the feeling of being an elite receiver in the NFL just once, I have just the defense.

--"PARKERRR!!!" - J. Jonah Jameson, Spider-Man

--It used to be one of my great guilty pleasures to see cutaway shots of the stands, especially at a game against the Raiders, and see the defeated, hang dog expressions on all the sad faces. That's Patriots fans at these games now. Every time CBS cut to people in Pats jerseys, they looked like the were sitting in the hospital waiting room for the surgeon to come out of the OR and tell them if grannie is going to pull through. And she never does. 

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--Next up on the schedule comes the Bills and the Dolphins. Is it too soon to start speculating on the No. 1 overall draft pick? And how GM Bill probably wouldn't be here to make the selection?

UPDATE: A friend sent me the video of Parker's lazy route. But the Doctor Who GIF stays right where it is.