The Coming War Between Taylor Swift Fans and Brittany Mahomes Fans is the Content I'm Here For

Jerry Thornton9/26/2023 7:00 PM

David Eulitt. Getty Images.

There are times in this business where the wise thing to do is just sit one out. To realize you've got teammates who can do the job better than you, go take a knee on the sidelines and sip and energy drink and just let them do their thing. Because in the end, it's about what's on that scoreboard, not your own personal glory.

The dalliance between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is a prime example. I like some of her music and admire her success, but by no means am I a Swiftie. I respect Travis Kelce's football playing, but find him to be one of the most oft-putting, self-promoting and fame-chasing athletes of his generation. I ran out of patience with him busting in on Patrick Mahomes postgame interviews about two dozen hijackings ago, only to find him now in a neck-and-neck-and-neck race with the Manning brothers for who can ruining America's game day experience by pitching every product short of feminine protection (which I'm not ruling out).

So I'm aggressively avoiding the entire saga. I haven't chimed in on the fact I think the entire thing is a set up by both of their public relations teams to up their Q rating by giving them more crossover appeal with audiences (football fans and teenage girls, respectively) that are not in their target demos. I don't care that we're getting the inevitable, "Watch it, girlfriend! That boy is a P-I-G pig!" interviews from an ex:

I refuse to give oxygen to the rumors about Swift slipping out of Arrowhead in a popcorn machine. And I vow to die and old man in my bed many years from now without making a single lame joke about how she's going to write a banger about their breakup. The world has already reached it's saturation point on those.

No, the only thing I'm here for is WAR.

There is simply no way this can continue peacefully. You can't have people as attention-whoring as Swift, Kelce, and Patrick Mahomes' family existing in such a closed space together for long without it breaking out in armed conflict. Egos of this size need to expand. They must rule empires of fame that stretch across continents. And when they come up against another superpower of self-importance, armies will amass on the border, and arrows will fly.

And it looks like it's happening. Predictably enough, on the strategic battlefield of Brittany Mahomes' Instagram:

Yahoo - Brittany Mahomes shared her fit to Instagram, with the caption, "15❤️" about her husband, Patrick Mahomes, who wears the number 15 on the field.
Many immediately flooded the comments section to call out the quarterback's wife, instantly bringing up Travis Kelce's rumored girlfriend and pop icon, Taylor Swift.
One fan's comment gained traction from others as they wrote, "Really trying to one-up T Swift 😂." …
"where is the red?! Taylor [Swift] wore red," another seemingly said, throwing shade at Patrick Mahome's wife.
Others, however, wanted to have Brittany's back as she has been around for a long time. "you're so gorg!!" one fan wrote as another chimed in with, "This is the best hair and makeup combo I've seen on you 😍 stunning and glowing."
"IDC what anyone says you're the best spouse on the chiefs," another commented.
Others, of course, just wanted to know the tea, asking Brittany Mahomes if she met Taylor Swift.
"YOU'RE SO PRETTY!!!!! Did you meet Taylor?!" one user asked as another commented something similar, "Love the look! So football Sunday glam. Do your Q&A so we can ask if you met Taylor?"

It doesn't matter who fired the first shot. Or even that right now this is still just a proxy war being fought among their minions. When the tension and pomposity involved is at this high a level, a war like this cannot be contained. Eventually the client states are going to get involved and this thing will go nuclear. No amount of diplomacy can prevent it. They're simply too entrenched.

Like Iran-Iraq in the 1980s, the fight between the Mordor Orcs and the Uruk-Hai in the Third Age of Middle Earth, and the Mets-Yankees in 2000, the best we can hope for is that it keeps escalating into a long, bloody, protracted war of attrition that leads to massive casualties on both sides. And, one can only hope, Jackson Mahomes fans quit this neutrality bullshit and enter the fray. They've been silent too long.

In a perfect world, this even has a chance of being the kind of thing that could get really personal, create tension on a team, divide a locker room, and potentially end the Chiefs' dynasty before it becomes one. Then, and only then, will this entire story that's sucking all the air out of an otherwise incredible start to the NFL season keep me interested. Make it happen, Swifties.