Venezuelan Prison That Was Raided Had Casino, Nightclub, Zoo, Swimming Pool, Full-Sized Baseball Field, and Japan Town

John Rich9/21/2023 11:10 PM

I've never wanted to be locked up abroad more in my life. I used to dream of being captured by the Russian government and thrown in Russian prison so all my problems would disappear and I could spend my remaining years lifting weights, learning the Russian language, and getting in fist fights with Russian mafia members over games of Russian poker. But I was in a dark place then. I like my life now. I like it a lot. But you know what I would like even more than going to work at Barstool Sports every day? Being thrown in Venezuelan party prison.

Daily Mail - Venezuela's Tocoron prison raided: Moment 11,000 cops storm notorious jail to find a ZOO, casino, nightclub, pool and supermarket after the Tren de Aragua criminal gang was allowed to roam free for years

Unfortunately for me, I fear it might be too late to obtain a passport, fly to Venezuela, buy a bunch of cocaine, gain the respect of the Tren de Aragua criminal gang, then intentionally get sloppy with my dealings so that I would be arrested and thrown into Tocoron prison. It sounds like Tocoron prison is no longer the utopia it was earlier this week.

The Venezuelan government has regained control of a prison that had been under the rule of the country's most powerful gang, which built its own mini city within the jail walls that featured a zoo, a club and a swimming pool.
The government deployed 11,000 cops and soldiers Wednesday to the Tocorón prison, which doubled as the Tren de Aragua's headquarter in the north-central state of Aragua.

Pour one out for the Tren de Aragua. They had a real sweet thing going there for a while. Why do bad things always happen to worse people? All they wanted to do was live out their life sentences following a series of horrific crimes committed against innocent people by chilling out max in party jail doing hard Venezuelan drugs with exotic animals. Maybe play a 9-inning game of baseball during the day to sweat out the booze from the night before. Or maybe a game of gang member freeze tag followed by a dip in the pool.

Venezuelan prison is the place to be. At least it was. Everything was perfect. They even had Japanese town. What is Japanese town you ask? No fucking clue. But they sure as hell had it.

The gang had its own nightclub, named Tokio (Spanish for the Japanese city) where inmates regularly partied and a restaurant were prisoners dined with their visitors. There was also a baseball field, a room where gambling activities took place and another where inmates illegally mined cryptocurrency.
The Tren de Aragua's zoo is said to have housed tigers, lions, crocodiles and pumas that were used by to challenge prisoners and the authority of government officials.

Only down side was that you had to listen to people talk about their crypto portfolios. That's a fate worse than prison in it's own right. But if that's the only negative you have to deal with, I can eat an hour listening to some guy lecture me on the pro's and con's of getting involved in Safemoon while I snort cocaine off my tiger. I'm willing to bet there's enough cocaine in that place to make me interested in cryptocurrency anyways.

There are no problems in Venezuelan prison. I know that there were no problems because every prisoner there was HEAVILY armed. The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a badder guy with a gun.

But all great things must come to an end. The Venezuela government just had to light party prison on fire and storm it with 11,000 cops. Honestly, I thought Venezuela was cooler than that. I thought Venezuela was one of those chill countries where you could live a life of crime without any real fear of repercussions because worst case scenario you get sentenced to 10 years inside the walls of a 24/7 adult field day/Gang HQ. Guess I was wrong. Shame on you Venezuela.

However, there is a silver lining for the Tren de Aragua. Their righteous leader Hector 'Nino' Guerrero (sick name), was able to escape the prison the day before the raid. Someone tipped him off. Thank god there's at least 1 cool person on the Venezuelan police force. In fact, there's reason to believe that the entire raid was set up by the Tren de Aragua themselves.

Tren de Aragua leader, Héctor 'Niño' Guerrero, reportedly was warned days in advance the Tocorón prison was going to be raided and fled with other gang members
Ceballos confirmed Thursday that 60 Tren de Aragua members had been captured and four prison officials have also been arrested for allegedly allowing the smuggling of weapons.
Venezuelan newspaper El Nacional reported that between 400 to 500 prisoners were still missing. Union Radio reported that the fugitives may be hiding out in the mountain area near El Junquito.
The Venezuelan Prison Observatory, a non-governmental organization, raised doubts over the government's operation at the Tocarón Penitentiary Center, where the inmate population had been reduced from 5,000 to 1,500, and believe that the gang leadership reached an agreement to give up its reign of power.

Which leads me to believe that the Tren de Aragua has a plan. I think they wanted the raid to happen. My theory is that the Tocoron Party Prison wasn't extravagant enough. The prisoners had grown sick and tired of their same old zoo animals, same old dirt infield, and eating at the same 3 Japanese restaurants every night. I believe that Hector 'Nino' Guerrero and the 400-500 prisoners missing in the mountains near El Junquito have plans of an even classier prison. A prison in the undulating mountains of Venezuela. Or maybe somewhere on the ocean. Somewhere they can have more than a single ethnic city. Somewhere with a grass infield. Somewhere with room for a skate park and a movie theatre. The Tren de Aragua wouldn't just let the cops take control of party prison without another party prison lined up. Hell no. Rest assured that wherever Hector Guerrero and his merry men end up, it's going to blow that Tocoron shit hole out of the water.

Operation 'John Rich Flee To Venezuela To Join The Tren De Aragua And Get Thrown In Party Prison' is back on.