Cheesesteak Spots In Philly Are Now Protected By Armed Guards With ASSAULT RIFLES

6abc - Customers are thrilled the original Jim's West Steaks & Hoagies in West Philadelphia is back in business, and they formed a line around the building. "I'm so excited," said Nitah Dunham from West Philadelphia. "The food has always been good." "In my opinion, it's the best cheesesteak in town," said William King from West Philadelphia. But now, customers can expect to see armed agents out front. "The violence has spiked," said Co-owner Cortez Johnson. "It goes up and down. You want people to feel safe and be safe. So when they come out and eat, they don't have to worry about no type of harm." "Our lines are down the block, so while you're standing here in line, connecting with other people you may not know, we have security right here just to keep you guys safe," said Saul Landers, the CFO of Jim's West. The owners hope the presence of armed agents prevents crimes. "It's not just myself," said Kevon Darden, who owns Presidential Protection Services. "It's usually other agents who are sworn and certified by the state of Pennsylvania to do security work when they're off duty. All of us are former military, police, and law enforcement background." The armed agents will be there during business hours Thursday through Sunday.

Well that's certainly something. Only in Philly can you go out to enjoy a cheesesteak only to be confronted at the door by Seal Team 6. I wholeheartedly understand violence has gotten way, way, WAY out of control in The City Of Brotherly Love recently, but full on assault rifles? To protect Jim's West Cheesesteaks? Who the hell are they expecting, Godzilla Ben Franklin to rise out of the Delaware to fight a giant Cheesesteak ejaculating Wiz? 

Exactly. That'll never happen...because for some reason that already went down. 

But for real, it's easy to joke about the absurdity of automatic killing machines donned by hired armed agents to overlook a cheesesteak spot, but it's actually a sad state of current affairs in Philadelphia. I don't blame these owners one bit for hiring protection to ensure the safety of their patrons. It's a dangerous place right now. And if armed security is needed to at least comfort the minds of those getting freaking takeout, so be it. 2023 kinda sucks. Stay safe out there. 

Now to cleanse that pallet of violence here's Frank The Tank doing cheesesteak reviews. Bon Frankétit!