Lauren Boebert Handles Her Groping/Handjob Matter Like the Savvy Politician She Is: By Playing the Victim Card

Representative Lauren Boebert is a woman who wears many hats. Congresswoman. Mother of four. Grandmother. Gadsen flag-wearing, pistol-strapped, stilettoed firebrand. And now that she's back on the dating scene, the absolute Queen of the Hill, Top of the List, A-Number One you want swiping right when you profile comes up on her Bumble:

Above all else though, she is a smart, savvy, experienced, career politician, even at her young and aggressively sexual age. So she knows exactly how to handle a little matter like the entire country watching security cam footage of you vaping up a fog bank in a theater full of families while your date goes down your dress up to his wrist and you give him a Rub & Tug:

And that is to find a friendly media outlet willing to bring you on, ask no questions, challenge no assertions, just let you paint yourself as the victim of a smear campaign while the interviewer nods his head and claps like a seal waiting to be tossed a fish:

Brilliant. Breathtaking. The perfect example of grace under pressure. This should be taught in Poly Sci classes from now to the end of the world. 

When you're (pardon the pun) exposed doing something that should probably be humiliating for you, your family and your constituents, you don't own up to it. Don't admit it. Certainly don't take responsibility. That's so JFK after the Bay of Pigs. This is the 2020s. The way the game is played now is to find some empty suit who'll pitch you verbal batting practice while you hit ropes. 

Hey, we've got real problems in this world! Why are we talking about some dude honking my horns around a bunch of kids? I'm on the edge! I'm eccentric! I'm known for having a very animated personality! I got kicked out for taking a picture! I never argued with anybody! 

And then the interviewer floating his theory that whoever narc'd on her was probably a liberal who recognized her and just wanted to destroy her? Chef's kiss. 

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Here's a close up of Rep. Boebert's edgy eccentricities and very animated personality. Zoom in. Enhance …

And here she is not being argumentative with anyone:

Zoom in. Enhance …

But again, this is politics in 2023. The days where a Ted Koppel or someone would say to you, "What do you mean you weren't doing anything wrong? You're on camera vaping, getting felt up, giving a handie and flipping the State Bird of Massachusetts in the face of a guy doing his job. Explain yourself" are long since passed. And they're never coming back. 

Let me end with this. If come crazy lady was getting her freak on while I'm paying good money to take my kid to see a musical production of a horror comedy, I'd be furious. Any parent would. But the thing that really goes up my crack sideways is the part where Boebert is accused of pulling the "Don't you know who I am?" bit. There's no better way to judge someone's quality as a human being than by how they treat service workers. And those words have never been uttered by anyone who wasn't a garbage person.

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I hate to break it to that OAN host, but Lauren Boebert is on the edge, alright. A donkey on the edge: