Barstool's Most Dangerous Game Show: Francis' Fall From Grace
I’m not sure if you can tell, but these reality game shows that we do here at Barstool take a toll on us both mentally and physically.
For example, I suffered from broken brain syndrome towards the end of filming Surviving Barstool last summer. As a viewer, you could see me make a miraculous shift from nervous singing to humiliating on camera emotional theatrics in a matter of minutes. As it turns out, undiagnosed bipolar disorder makes for amazing television.
Almost a year later, I was asked to fill Alex Bennet’s spot on Barstool’s Most Dangerous Game Show. As a last minute (now medicated) fill in, I tried to negotiate a deal with production. I would do the show, if I could bring an my own supply of Pirate Water to have on set. My bartering plea was audibly laughed off and denied. The next thing I knew I was en route to Colorado. I was helpless, clueless, and more importantly…BEV-less (without beverages)
(Here’s a little behind the scenes secret for you: due to an incident on last year's show, contestants are no longer allowed to indulge in a cold one of any sorts due to the actions of Billy Football. Fuckin’ thanks a lot Bill!)
When we got to Colorado, they put us in these heinous jumpsuits:
Funny enough, while I was jumping into my butch jumper on the top of ole smokey infront of all of my co-workers, my best friend and co-host Brianna was stepping into a lovely evening gown at the ACM Awards. That tale of two cities alone, made me super stoked to be there and thrilled to start the show!
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Out of all the episodes in this season aired thus far, I’ve managed to keep a good head on my shoulders and have refrained from any outlandish behavior. A giant win for me and a testament that crazy pills really work wonders.
Although I’ve kept my cool up until this point, at the time of filming I debated becoming both a pill pusher and a psychiatrist for my fellow peers. These mother fuckers lost their god damn minds man. It was tough to watch.
Let’s Recap:
Episode 1- Down With Dana
We were all power hungry when we decided to vote Dana off for the sole reason of him being above the lethal legal weight limit. This was a move I was hesitant to make because (and this may shock you) if there were a few more pounds on ole O’Malley, I would have been right there with him in the no fly zone. It is not free to fall on television, sometimes it costs you a moment of public humiliation.
Episode 2 - Jackie-Off
Day two is when things start to heat up. I originally went into the show with a three man alliance. Pat, Jackie, and myself. But towards the end of the day, I could no longer align myself with Miss Jackie. She began to spiral and then found herself unable to keep up with the deceitful lies that were whistling through her chompers. Much like the time I tried to sing my way out of a lie:
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Episode 3: Pat The Rat
When it comes to office pals, Pat is one of my nearest and dearest friends here. But I couldn’t tell you who the FUCK that piece of shit turns into once the cameras start rolling. The argument between him and Francis was the first time things started crossing a line from fun show with friends to personal relationships amongst co-workers being tarnished.
Which is a good segue to point out that we are the ONLY company that produces a reality show where you are subjected to both backstabbing and mental warfare with the same people you have to see in the office the following Monday. Every other reality show is played with a group of strangers that never have to see each other again. Keep this in mind while we now dissect Francis' fall from Grace. (See what I did there?)
Episode 4: What the Fuck Franny?
The first thing our boy Franny said on this episode that got the blood flowin’ was in his little pre-disturbed slumber chat with the Rudeboi. “I’d rather lose to you (Rudy) than like…idk, than certainly lose to someone else in the finals.” Now here’s the thing, I don't know what ole Franny's financial status is by any means. But to the rest of us, he comes across as an affluent individual. So like we said at the beginning of the episode, we believed he wasn't playing for money but rather the pride of it all. So god forbid he loses to these welcomed guests at the dinner for Schmucks:
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At the 14 minute and 15 second mark, we can see the twinkle fall from the eyes of the F man.
What was once a chipper pair of baby blue’s has now shifted to the dark soulless stare of a man who once laughed:
I think he said it best when he described this pivotal moment as a “God-like smiting.” (Yet another word in the Book of Ellis I had to look up.)
The next day, I knew the fellas were plotting against me but somehow I convinced the crew to swing their hatchets in the direction of Mr. Crimson.
On this day, I suddenly knew what it felt like to be the victim of a leaked nude. I had never been in that position before (of course not, no one should ever have to see me like that. Also, who would I even send a nude too? Gross! Sorry to even bring it up.) but now I know what it’s like to be the subject of conversation everywhere you turn without much of a say in the matter. Episode four is just about everyones breaking point. The five of us made it four whole days before we started acting batshit crazy. At one point I found myself just looking into the camera reciting the words: "I feel crazy, I feel crazy, but in a good way" and immediately after proceeded to state that I was going to "slap that smile right off of Francis' face."
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In a discussion with The Fran Man, Rudy, and myself; Rudy subliminally tells The Fran Man that a betrayal is coming his way. To which The Fran Man responds: “You know what? I would go quietly into that good night.” Which is wildly ironic, because what he did next, aligns perfectly with the original workings of the poem he had referenced.
At the end of his road, Franny boy decided to NOT go quietly into that good night. In fact, he chose to rage, rage against the dying of the light. Funny enough, I had the same idea. Except, my words were more of a light hearted plea and his…well his came from a dark broken place. A place no man can enter, without an invitation from Satan himself.
See for yourself, on next week’s episode of Barstool’s Most Dangerous Game Show.