Barstool Power Rankings: The Rise Of Meek Phil
From the desk of the (co) Editor in Chief, welcome back to the Barstool Power Rankings!
Another week in the books, and wouldn't you know it, the Mean Girls were the main topic of discussion AGAIN. But sadly, it appears it will be for the last time, as their tenure at Barstool Sports has come to an end.
I'm not going to talk too much about it, but it's pretty ironic, right? When the Mean Girls were in the mix at Barstool HQ, they were the main focal point of discussion…but oddly two people who always claimed they wanted to be reality TV stars, somehow didn't want to be reality TV stars? Working at Barstool Sports is a daily reality show, and then we also produce our own reality shows- it's perfect for them! For reference, Alex was on the Bravo reality show "Sweet Home" in 2017 and the Barstool reality show "Barstool vs America", and Jordyn was on Barstool's Most Dangerous Gameshow (Season 1) and always dreamt of being a reality TV star.
We here at Power Rankings HQ wish them the best of luck in their future.
That being said, let's pass out our top 5, give out some needs improvements, and some other awards highlighting the week that was:
5) Journalism
Right off the bat I gotta give it up to good ol' fashioned Journalism. Seriously, stop what you're doing right now, bow your head, and take a 15 second moment of silence for what transpired on 9/11…the death of journalism. This guy Robert Silverman spent what appears to be WEEKS researching that Barstool Sports uses burner accounts to share sports clips on Twitter. Bro even tweeted that it was a SCOOP and that he caught us RED HANDED
Oh no, won't someone think of the leagues!!!!!
It reminds me of the scene from "Social Network"- we didn't hide it, it was written on our door room window. Every single sports media company on the planet shares clips on Twitter this way. It's nothing new. But Robert Silverman, who quite literally graduated from clown college, thought he had something major here. The best is 99% of the quote tweets are people dunking on him for thinking anyone gives a fuck about sharing clips of touchdowns,
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and 1% Julie Dicaro hilariously making it about herself with something completely unrelated.
Does Julie not realize how fucking funny that is? Jesus, White Sox Dave takes you out for a sloppy back back ribs dinner and doesn't call you back and you hold a grudge forever? Get over it, lady.
By the way, I could totally see WSD blasting through a rack of ribs on a first date. Sauce all over his mouth and in his beard like it's no big deal, while still trying to act like he's a perfect gentleman. The imagery is perfect.
4) Spittin Chiclets
Chiclets broke what appears to be a major story in the hockey world, calling out Mike Babcock for being a fucking weirdo. That part is nothing new, as Babcock has been known for yearsssss to be a complete piece of shit to his players, but yet somehow still gets jobs because there's still a lot of "old boys club" nonsense in the NHL.
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Legacy hockey writers who would rather hate Barstool than think about how erroneous it would be for Biz to randomly say this "for clicks" are now eating their own shit because the NHL is looking more into this, and it's beginning to look more and more that Biz was, of course, spot on.
I chose to be a blogger and not a professional hockey player so I never played for Babcock, but if you hear enough stories over the years from former players who say this guy is a stain on the league, then he's probably a stain on the league.
People like this fucking asshole Patrick Bacon would rather Babcock abuse players than have to admit Biz is correct in protecting current players.
Peter put it simply:
Good for Biz and Chiclets for getting this out there.
3) Frank The Tank
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I 100% stand with Frank on this one! John was beardless, bald, and wearing glasses. If you didn't know what was happening, he looked JARRINGLY different. He had no reason to believe John wasn't Rone's dad. Plus, guys like me and Frank don't do great in the "recognizing faces" department. I think everyone forgot this happened until Frank was just watching the video and found out in a sweet, just heart warming moment.
That's the GOAT Frank right there. Not yelling at 150 decibels about baseball, which I will say has been toned down a shit ton since the Mets freakin' stink. This Frank era has been great to witness and I swear to god if you don't watch Tank Cooks you are missing out on some of the best content on the internet. Part of me feels guilty because it's wildly unhealthy, but the entertainment factor is a strong 10/10. My personal favorite is Tank Cooks prime rib in the air fryer. If I had to introduce the series to anyone, this is the one I'd choose. I'll still whoop Frank's ass in cornhole though.
2) Meek Mf'ing Phil
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Meek is a perfect Barstool guy. He has the top 2 qualities Dave looks for in an employee: Weird as the day is long, and grinds his dick off. Dave has recently taken notice of Meek and that's good enough for me to put Meek at number 2 in the Power Rankings.
Meek will crawl under a couch to get a shot on radio that he could just get by sitting exactly where he was positioned, but that's the MP difference. I'm a little worried about him though- when you get on Dave's radar, that means he will see when you slip up. And god KNOWS our social pals slip up a time or two because Gaz is too busy fist pumping to Nicki Minaj at 310 Bowery instead of paying attention to what his people are doing.
And number 1 goes toooooo….
1) Kirk Minihane
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I don't know if ratings are down on the Kirk Minihane Show or if his contract negotiations are about to start, but either way, he called in the big guns for a quick ratings boost. We see it all the time around these parts, when the going gets tough, bring the DAWG onto the show and eyeballs follow. I got word that more people watched our live episode of KMS than any episode in the last 6 months. It was nice choppin' it up with him- anything I can do to stop Kirk from KMS'ing himself, I'm game.
Also this clip is great.
I see more of Kirk's world on my Twitter timeline now thanks to the For You tab, and my god, what a wild world that is. I grew up on talk radio and Kirk is sorta the final frontier of that old school style of creating universes with a ton of tertiary characters. For a little glimpse into that, read this blog from drug and producer quitter, John Rich:
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Needs Improvement
1) Kelly Keegs
Since she is our elected president, I hold Kelly Keegs to a higher standard. And so far in her presidency she has taken a 2 week European vacation, fired 125 Barstool Sports employees, and then tried to bribe us with McDonalds, which while delicious, she skimped out on getting sodas so she could send that money to Ukraine, almost making Meek Phil choke to death on a french fry. Tommy would not just make that up, as he is a fair politician and "the most honest person I've ever met" according to many coworkers who apparently just throw out that line whenever things get dicey around here.
Madame Keegs then got scolded by Dave for not being on the Taylor beat
Murdered the Mean Girls, per the nationally accredited New York Post
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and then capped off her week by replying to a tweet featuring the trifecta of Sofia with an F, the Nelk Boys, and JEFF NADU!
I'm gonna say this- any time you see a tweet with Sofia with an F, Jeff Nadu, the Nelk Boys, and Sneako, keep on scrolling. That's when you know you're just a little bit toooooo online. I couldn't pick a Nelk Boy or a Sneako out of the amish market checkout line Jeff Nadu works at on weekends.
But all jokes aside, let's quickly touch on this idea that Kelly Keegs "murdered the Mean Girls". If all it took was one blog calling their content dumb to end their empire, then they probably never had an empire to begin with. Think about it this way- Dave has faced 1,000 hit pieces that have dug into his work life and his personal life, and he's still here. But yet one single Kelly Keegs blog toppled the Mean Girls? Very suspicious. Is it possible they were a house of cards propped up on non-sustainable engagement? If someone on the internet says one semi-quasi negative thing about a huge brand like Chiclets or PMT or Cracking Aces, their legions of fans come swarming out, defending their honor to the death. But when Keegs said "maybe putting out clips wondering if dinosaurs are real is sorta dumb", it was crickets.
And what's crazy, to reiterate what I wrote last week, I know most people here never had an over-arching issue with them besides when they stopped showing up to work but still put on this "I'm better than you" front. Alex was AWESOME when she did RnR. Jordyn was GREAT when she did LTB or Pints or random shit around the office. One Kelly Keegs blog on BARSTOOL SPORTS, where the entire point is to be dramatic, should not have been their downfall. It just shows me that if it wasn't this, it would have been something else. Yes, this job gets stressful. Yes, when Dave is mad at you or you're beefing with a coworker it can feel like 5,000 pounds suffocating you. But at the end of the day, there's no better place to work in the world. Sorry to Pat for appropriating his culture there, but it's true.
2) Rone
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I cannot believe I didn't see this clip til this morning. That's why Rone is in needs improvement. It's from Mark Cuban's house a few weeks ago! Where has he been hiding this clip?!
Also, words to wise, any time you're at a rich guy's house, be on the lookout for the walls. They'll pop out at ya. Walls everywhere.
3) Dave
What the hell is this? Dave just handing out "atta boys" like the candy man in Willy Wonka? How the fuck are we supposed to erase a $12 million deficit if he's giving pats on the ass for every little blog that goes up? Not my Dave! I haven't gotten a single RT on these Power Rankings blogs and you know what that does? Makes me put my head down and Power Rank EVEN HARDER. Now that Klemmer got his gold star on his star chart he'll probably go back to writing about Edgar Renteria's hits with runners in scoring position and if Melvin Mora deserved a gold glove. Don't get soft on us now, Davey boy!
Other Awards:
Sketch of the Week: Dropping Damar
Loved this sketch from Out of Order. I've always said if Dave wanted to fire me I'd just contract AIDS or something. Can't fire the AIDS guy!
Little Guy Of The Week: PFT
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PFT is certainly not beating any Little Fella allegations any time soon.
He's just so liddle!
That entire video with Jerry and Hank finding the new Weathergirl is hilarious. Give it a watch and subscribe to the channel.
Speaking of Jerry…
Hot New Look Of The Week: Jersey Jerry
Funny enough, I was thinking about going clean shaven for the first time since 2018, just to see what it would look like.
I no longer will be doing that. Thank you JJ.
Sex Demon Of The Year: Moooooook
I fucking love Mook and will never forgive him for moving away from NYC.
Speaking of autistic gingers who can't stop cream pieing…
Brandon Walker Has Another New Show Of The Week:
Guy has 100 kids and has no plans on slowing down, as that might be physically impossible for him to do. For the love of god watch his show.
I think that's all I've got for this week. Keep drinking your High Noons, keep supporting your favorite Barstool shows and bloggers, and keep docking with your uncle in dark closet upstairs.