Ahsoka Is Good But You Absolutely CANNOT Have People Surviving Lightsaber Attacks

Robbie Fox8/29/2023 5:25 PM

'AHSOKA' returns to Disney+ tonight (at 9pm ET) for the third installment in the series - meaning a week has gone by since Episodes 1/2 dropped, so I think it's fair game to discuss spoilers for those, right? Because I've got a take I need to get off my chest.

Don't get me wrong, I loved how 'AHSOKA' has kicked things off so far - but I've got one bone to pick with the series already.

(AGAIN - MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF AHSOKA)

At the end of Episode 1, Sabine Wren is attacked and gets into a lightsaber duel with this new mysterious Force user named Shin, and she gets stabbed in the stomach at the conclusion of the battle….

….but then, at the beginning of Episode 2, she's immediately shown in a hospital bed - doing COMPLETELY fine.

So apparently lightsabers don't even fucking work anymore?!

Giphy Images.

This isn't the first time we've seen someone miraculously heal from a lightsaber wound recently, either!

The Grand Inquisitor took one to the gut in 'Obi-Wan Kenobi' and showed right back up a few weeks later, all fine and dandy!

What's up with that? Back in my day, you got stabbed by a lightsaber - it was curtains.

Just ask Qui-Gon how that went for him….

….and yeah, I know Qui-Gon got stabbed directly through the spine and wasn't attended to for a while, but these physicians trying to justify this silliness just gotta shut up….

What about Kylo Ren in 'The Rise of Skywalker'? He gets stabbed by Rey in almost the exact same spot Sabine got stabbed (and was clearly much more powerful than her) - yet he still needed Rey's force-healing abilities to stay alive. Even a movie as polarizing as that one respects the unified lightsaber rules more!

Dave agrees as well. Last night I got a text from him that read, "Just watched Ashoki. Since when can you take a light saber to the gut and be okay 2 days later? You get stabbed by a light saber that means you lost and you die."

It's not show-breaking or anything, but it's still a bit annoying. Let Sabine get slashed up like Finn, or hell - cut a limb off before you go with a slice through the stomach!

Still, I'm STOKED for Episode 3 tonight. I think there's a chance we're gettin space whales in live action.

P.S. Yes, I realize Darth Maul surviving being cut in half kinda nullifies the whole point I'm trying to make here, but at least you could say "the hate kept him alive!" and use Dark Side magic like that.