Piercing Nips and Rippin'Tips
I just spent another sweltering weekend in Daytona Beach "covering" the Coke Zero Sugar 400 for NASCAR and filming some fishing content for Barstool Outdoors with Sydnie Wells.
If you're not familiar with Syd's work, you should be. She's a lovely young girl who grew up loving everything there is to love about the outdoors, so now she makes a comfortable living taking overweight content providers like me (or the artist formerly known as Coach Duggs) on simple outdoor adventures.
As is so often the case, traveling to and from Daytona was an absolute fucking NIGHTMARE because the local airport has nearly no direct flights, forcing assholes like me to fly in and out of Orlando's airport and then make the hour-and-change drive towards the shore.
And putting that drive aside, flying in and out of Orlando is part of the nightmare because you are forced to travel with some of the worst people on earth… Nazis… Disney families.
Handout. Getty Images.(wearing a t-shirt with your own picture is a DOUCHE move… I don't care who you are)
When you fly anywhere else in the world, there is a 50-50 chance you'll share a cabin with a crying child… That percentage rockets directly to 100% once you decide to venture anywhere near Orlando. So even if "O-Town" is not your final destination, be prepared to accommodate multiple strollers, diaper bags, car seats, and crying children every time you fly near that God-forsaken city.
I flew in at night this time around, arriving in MCO after midnight, so I foolishly thought the flight might be kid-free. After all, I am fully aware of how expensive it is to stay near Disney, so who would fly into Orlando that late and have to waste a night's stay at a hotel they wouldn't check in to until after midnight?
The answer is- PLENTY OF PEOPLE, apparently, because my flight was filled with adults and children fully masked and wearing matching merch from "The House of Mouse."
David McNew. Getty Images.I boarded the plane relatively early and found my seat in the exit row. I belted up, threw in my earbuds, and began to watch an awful movie I downloaded the night before.
I paid no attention to the bevy of kin clamoring to their seats after me until one person, in particular, caught my eye. It was a single mom with a son who was maybe 2 or 3 years old. The kid was normal enough, but the mom was special… Brunette, mid-20s, in very good shape, with a full sleeve of Japanese tattoos down one arm, wearing yoga pants and a baby doll t-shirt that stretched across her large breasts.
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--- "Bonk" me all you want here, but only he who hasn't judged people boarding a plane can cast the first stone. ---
And here is the reason I am writing this blog.
Upon further review of that aforementioned tight t-shirt, I recognized something special about this young lady's ample breasts… The nipples that resided at the end of those breasts were pierced.
It wasn't cold on the plane, but I was easily able to discern the barbell-shaped nipple rings protruding from either tit like two metal lighthouses guiding my wayward gaze towards her rack.
I don't know how you feel about nipple-piercing, but I can tell you how I feel… Confused.
Perhaps I am showing my age here, but what's the deal with those things?
The fact that they kind of disgusted me means nothing to the young woman who was brandishing them and meant less to the handful of my male travel neighbors who also watched her piercings intently as she lifted her other unpierced carry-ons into the overhead bin.
But what is the draw there?… Why do people find the senseless mutilation of a sensitive appendage sexy?
I did a quick Google search for "celebs with nipple piercings" and the list made sense, for the most part…
Rihanna…
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Disney Channel's Bella Thorne…
Paris Jackson…
(I think she's on the left)
Amber Rose…
Someone named Blac Chyna…
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(Rest In Power)
and perhaps most famously, Janet Jackson…
That same Google search also yielded a couple of "fellas" with punctured nips as well.
Dave Navarro from Jane's Addiction…
Martyn Goodacre. Getty Images.Dennis Rodman…
Gregg DeGuire. Getty Images.(pierced AND a Disney family)
Lenny Kravitz…
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(Here's Kravitz answering the question, "How many nipples have you pierced, Lenny?")
and Doogie Howser…
Most of the people on this list are starved for attention, and sticking a needle through your nipple garners just that. But back to this mom… Assuming she had those things installed before the kid was born, when she took them out to breastfeed her son, did the milk rush out of all three openings so the kid was essentially drinking from a firehose?
Or maybe the piercings left a metallic aftertaste around her nipple so that poor bastard must've felt like he was drinking milk from a copper gutter.
Either way, the whole idea creeps me out.
So for the rest of the males in Row 11 of JetBlue Flight 499 who probably went home and was "rippin' tip" to that innocent perforated piece of pussy, please know that I did not join you on your perverted masturbatory adventure. And that's because I hold myself… And the sanctity of ALL nipples… To a much higher standard.
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Take a report.
-Large