The Dogwalk Crew And Clem Have Betrayed Everything That Big Boys Stand For
As some of you may know, I do the graphic for the Dogwalk drafts every week. The way it works is simple: The fellas record at the end of the week and Eddie shoots me the selections so that I can make it. When I get the email with the subject line: Fast Food Restaurants Draft", my fat ass got excited to see what the boys picked.
Well, you can imagine my sheer horror when I read the selections.
SPOILER ALERT: DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT THIS EPISODE SPOILED
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Let's just set some ground rules. The fellas made their own definition of what counts as fast food but we all know what the reality is. Despite what anyone whats to set as qualifiers, fast food only needs to meet a few standards;
1. It's gotta be fast, obviously.You can't be waiting around for shit to get made.
2. It must be unhealthy. Not even advertised as being potentially healthy. Also, there should be grease involved in almost every menu option.
3. You should not be sitting down to eat at the place unless you are on a road trip, in high school or in some sort of dire straits.
I think that is an extremely reasonable expectation. And with known food guy Clem going first overall, what do we get? Not McDonalds, not Burger King and not Taco Bell.
Chipotle. The most fast-casual chain that has ever existed. Clem picking Chipotle is the Ron Burgundy saying "Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego" of big fellas. Reading it made my heart drop into the pit of my stomach followed by the anger of betrayal.
Not only did Clem betray us once, but he follows it up with Panda Express (also a fast-casual place where people regularly sit) AND Boston Market! BOSTON MARKET AS A FAST FOOD PLACE! What in the FUCK are we doing here, man? Clem's picks hurt extra bad but the rest of the fellas picking stuff like Panera bread, potbellys etc is also borderline insane. Simple Trent is the only person seemed to understand what fast food even is.
Taco bell: FAST FOOD
Arby's: FAST FOOD
Burger King: FAST FOOD
KFC: FAST FOOD
Subway: Definitely murkier. The "health" factor is really not satisfied.
Nevertheless, he had by far the best draft. Blew everyone else out of the water. Nobody else was even in his stratosphere. In fact, if you swap out Subway for Cookout (The most under-appreciated fast food joint on earth), I'd confidently say it was the most overwhelming win in dog walk history. And what does he get for demolishing his cohosts? HE GETS LEFT OFF THE POLL.
A complete and total embarrassment by the panel. If you, like me, are pissed off, head to the polls and write in TRENT.