John Rich Has Leaked The New Barstool HQ Seating Chart And It's ... Something

It's moving season here at Barstool HQ with big bro Big Cat already gone to Chicago and all of his merchants following suit. Apparently we have a new seating chart so let's analyze each table before one of our social employees makes a "which table you sitting at" meme post.

Table A — 

This is the A team of Barstool HQ. Big Cat's former corner. The best spot in the office. Barstool New York is now the home of comedy and with Kevin and Feits at the helm, these are their mercenaries. Francis is a legitimate psychopath and I mean that in the best and worst way, so it's good to keep him amongst comedic minds. Not much else to say here besides that Sas is the poorest of this group by a zillion dollars and this may be what he needs at the next negotiation table with Boss Man. 

Table B —

I like this squad. Keep the Chicks girls together and keep Kelly away from the Mean Girls who are on the complete other end. Glenny is a great glue guy for that table, and Devlin needs some space to cook up Rough n Rowdy. Strategic play by whoever is in charge of this which I've heard rumors from Pete to Gaz (not likely) to Enrique our office manager. I'm not sure any of those are even correct. 

Table C —

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Bri is off on a domestic tour with her new country star beau so I'm not sure she even needs a seat, but I digress. Grace may be in the market for a new best friend and Caroline might be the match made in friendship heaven. Joey and Pat are against the wall which is good for all the antics they pull off in the office. 

Table D —

This is my favorite table, and not because two of them are in charge of the blog and could suppress me at any moment. Just a bunch of great conversationalist guys here, including Klemmer who might be the most delusional baseball mind these eyes have ever seen and I see Frank often. This is the table you want to be at if you want some good camaraderie at work. No real room for argument because they shoved the Yankees fans minus Ev at the same table, the Mets suck, and John Rich doesn't even watch sports. 

Table E — 

This is the most random table these eyes have ever seen. I didn't think the person doing the chart did a bad job until they threw this mishmash crew together. Now I think whoever did it should be fired. What is the rhyme or reason? Rico is gonna go crazy in that corner without anyone to talk to besides Frank running the same screaming script every single day. The squeeze out is coming before fall ahead of a new contract. We stand with you Rico. Also never forget that Gametime (why is that now defunct room still on the seating chart?) refused to get Smitty a new $5,000 to stream games. Shame.

Table F —

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This is just the crew of people who don't come in ever (minus Jack, and Cody, and Large when he's not out doing great NASCAR stuff). This almost seems like the forgotten table when they realized they had like 6 more people to fill in. I'd be remiss to not mention that JackMac is the #1 in the entire company at video views and they shoved him at some attendance reject table like he's not often carrying this brand's social media on his back. Argue with each other, but numbers don't lie and I always pay my respects where it's due.

Bald Paul has told us he's moving back to New York for like 6 months now and all I ever see is stories from Nantucket and Miami. He's basically in charge of this entire company now and worth like 50 million dollars so I guess give him a seat but don't expect it to be filled. The Mean Girls haven't been in the office for MONTHS, but me thinks Gaz made the call to have them next to him because he's top 2 and he's not 2 when it comes to the Mean Girls. I want it on record I'm also a Mean Girls fan, but the cobwebs are already forming on their desks. What did Dave say that one time though? If you're making us money, you can work from wherever ala Call Her Daddy?

There's a few adjustments I'd make to this seating chart, and it's clear whoever did it has no idea what's going on in this side of the office besides that we have a bunch of guys who do comedy. I would have maybe considered giving Barstool Sports #1 blogger a desk over people who don't come in, but we do have those comfortable new couches with absolutely zero outlets primed for hours and hours of blogging. No comment on who that is though. We also got rid of half the desks so people can mingle and create content, just to put every single remaining content person at a desk a few weeks later. Barstool difference!

That's all I've got on this new chart, but John Rich is right, maybe if we're lucky we can choose our spots next semester if we behave. Viva.