Jim Irsay is Having Criss Angel Attempt a "150 Foot Free Fall Tied Up and Chained" at Lucas Oil Stadium

You did it again Jim Irsay. Best owner in all of sports [entertainment wise (kinda)]. The man knows how to put asses in the seats. If there's one thing that gets the good blue-collar people of central Indiana fired-up, it's a good ol' fashion magic trick that isn't a magic trick at all, but rather something "dangerous" and impressive.

I put "dangerous" in quotations, because at first I had no fucking clue what Irsay meant by "150 foot free fall tied up and chained". Does the mean he unchains himself THEN falls 150 feet to the turf his death? Does he unchain himself while he's in the midst of falling 150 feet? Is there a giant bullshit net at the bottom that ruins the suspense of the entire thing? What the fuck does Jim Irsay mean by "free fall"?

He's leading us to believe that Criss Angel is somehow defying death, or in danger of dying. Free fall implies that he's going to be plummeting from the sky. But from what I can tell, and I'm not even 100% sure I'm right about this, Criss Angel is going to be attempting the exact same stunt he pulled off before a Las Vegas Raiders game in 2021. At least according to this article I found regarding the stunt.

13 WTHR NBC -  Angel performed the high-altitude escape in an NFL stadium before, wriggling out of a straitjacket at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas before a Bears-Raiders game in 2021. It took Angel a little more than 20 seconds to make that escape. 

But how is that a free fall? That's not a free fall whatsoever. He's quite clearly attached to a bungee cord the entire time. The only thing that would make it a "free fall" at all was if there's man sitting in the press box behind a big red murder button that he's instructed to press, that would Criss Angel from the bungee cord should he not remove himself from the straight jacket in time.

I like to imagine Jim Irsay assigning this task hit to some poor IUPUI college intern who's working for zero dollars an hour. 

Jim Irsay (drunk): "Alright kid, I'm trusting you with the most important job of all. You're on button duty. As soon as Criss Angel gets set in the air, you start the clock. If he fails to remove himself from the straight jacket in 60 seconds, it's your job to send him crashing down 150 feet. I know that seems harsh. But if you want to make it in the sports media business, these are the kinds of things you have to do. But honestly kid, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We'll have Quenton Nelson down there to catch him before he hits the ground." 

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As much as Irsay would like us to believe it, I can't imagine that scenario is on the table. Although, if there is one owner crazy enough to kill a man on the 50-yard line during a pre-season "Jim Irsay Collection Show" (whatever the fuck that is), it's Jim Irsay. 

Ya know what Criss, I'd be careful if I were you. I'm assume you're thinking that nobody would be psycho enough to follow through with this plan, but I'm not sure if you know Jim Irsay. You're performing this stunt on a Friday evening. Do you know how many whiskey's & Vicodin's Irsay will have consumed by then? That's not a man you want to trust with your life.

But in all seriousness, stunts like this are almost always bullshit, because the performers never put themselves in real danger. If you want to earn my respect as a daredevil, I need you to go full Karl Wallanda. That's how you really put asses in the seats.