Gisele is Reportedly 'Not Happy' About Brady Hooking Up With Irinia Shayk

Kevin C. Cox. Getty Images.

As I've been saying repeatedly - pretty much once or twice an hour over the last 3 1/2 years - when you break up with someone, there's a part of you that wants that person to sort of fall apart without you. No matter how amicable the split was, or how much parting ways might be the right thing for all involved, it's human nature to hope that your ex is worse off without you. That they'll have an existential crisis. Maybe stop taking care of themselves. Spend all day in bed. Walk around the house in a bathrobe. Eat and drink their feelings. Find they can think only of you and wonder what they can do to win you back. It may be cruel, but it also validates our own worth as human beings if others are worse off without us. 

By the same token, the worst thing an ex can do to any of us is simply move on and live a great life. If they demonstrate they're just as good - or God forbid, better off - without us? That is genuine cruelty. Say, if they dump us in our hour of need on St. Patrick's Day at 8:30 a.m. just as the world is shutting down, move to a beautiful sunny climate, bring one of our favorite people with them, and together they enjoy the pinnacle of success, bringing their patented brand of friendship and excellence to a bunch of strangers who get to experience what used to be ours and ours alone. Just to cite one specific example. 

Well it seems we're not the only ones who know how it feels when a certain handsome, metahuman, genetically-engineered winning machine happily rebounds from us. After the events of the past weekend:

… we learn that even the world's most legendary, superiest of supermodels is experiencing the same sort of emotional angst:

Source - Gisele Bündchen is allegedly none too pleased that her ex-husband, Tom Brady, is shacking up with Irina Shayk. 

A source told TMZ Monday that the former Victoria’s Secret Angel is “not happy at all” about photographs of the retired NFL quarterback looking cozy with Shayk over the weekend. 

However, a second source close to the Brazilian beauty tells the outlet that Brady and Shayk’s dalliance is “helpful to [Bündchen’s] freedom.”  …

Perhaps adding insult to injury is the fact that news of Brady’s burgeoning relationship with the Russian model broke just days after Bündchen’s 43rd birthday.

"Not happy at all"? I hear you, sister. Solidarity, girlfriend. Been there, felt that. Gisele, if you want to get together over some Cosmos and a tub of Ben & Jerry's and talk about it, my shoulder is there for you to cry on. I can totally relate. 

That Walk of Shame Irina Shayk did out to Brady's car in the same clothes she had on the night before? That to you is what him running Buccaneers practices during Covid restrictions was to me. He wouldn't even show up to OTAs his last few years when we were together. Seeing him gently caress her cheek that way? You feel like I did when he beat New Orleans and Green Bay on the road in the playoffs, winning as many NFC championships in one season as Aaron Rodgers has in like 50. That bed head and tired look in his eyes? That was your version of his drunken Lombardi trophy toss. And without getting too graphically TV-MA here, let's just say that whatever you picture the GOAT and Shayk doing, it can't be any worse than watching him throw two touchdowns to Rob Gronkowski and another to Antonio Brown as he dismantled the Chiefs. So I feel your pain. 

Advertisement

If I know anything about human nature (a dubious proposition, I'll admit), then we are at the stage where Gisele responds. That too is human nature. Oppenheimer just successfully tested the Trinity bomb, and the ex-spouses arms race is now underway. It's just a matter of how thermonuclear she's about to go. But no one will be safe from the fallout of this one. Get ready to duck and cover everyone.