Brazilian Man Falls in Love With Woman as He's Robbing Her Which Begs The Question Is Robbing Someone a Good Way To Meet The Love of Your Life?
NY Post - A Brazilian woman brought new meaning to “crime of passion” after revealing that she fell in love with a mugger who robbed her — and now the two have become inseparable.
The duo detailed their alleged romantic saga in a Twitter video with over 232,000 views online.
You know how when you pass a gorgeous woman (or man) on the street and think to yourself, "Damn, that's a gorgeous woman (or man). I'm already in love with them. If I could drop everything in my life and marry that complete stranger on the spot without knowing anything more about them other than their physical appearance, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's worth the risk." It happened to me at least once a day throughout college.
But in reality, what are you really gonna do? Kindly stop them and strike up a conversation? Who do I look like, Wilt Chamberlain? You must have me mistaken for a secure man who's confident shooting his shot with a strange women without fear of rejection. That's lunacy. You could go to prison for that nowadays. I'm not talking to a woman unless I've read her 100 word Tinder bio so I can be assured that she likes The Office and enjoys going out for margaritas. And if she's looking for a man who wants to go on adventures, even better. In that case, then I'm more than comfortable sliding her a single "Hey!", then anxiously awaiting a response that will never come for the next 4-6 days. That's how you court a woman in the modern era.
However, this felonious Casanova may have just flipped the game on it's head. If you don't have the confidence of a Chamberlain, or a DiCaprio, then next time you see a beautiful woman, you might consider robbing her. It worked for this neatly-bearded Brazilian criminal.
NY Post - “I was walking down the street where he lives and unfortunately, I was mugged,” the woman, identified as Emanuela, told reporters while recounting their “first date” at a media event in Brazil, Jam Press reported.
She recalled how the thief took her phone, but when he saw Emanuela’s number in there, he said “he had been the one who had robbed,” local media reported. Well, that’s one way to get someone’s phone number.
Meanwhile, the unidentified phone-jacker claimed that he had a sudden change of heart mid-robbery.
“I was going through a difficult situation because I didn’t have a woman, you know?” the robber said, recalling the unlikely “how we first met” story.” “When I saw her photo on the phone, I said to myself ‘What a beautiful brunette, you don’t see a brunette like that every day,’ and I regretted stealing it.'”
Striking up a real conversation out of thin air is the worst. There's no good way to start it. Asking about the weather is essentially a punt. Complimenting anything about a stranger runs a 90% chance of coming off as creepy. Sure, you could take off your shirt and strike some poses, but you gotta be so damn sexy in order to pull that off. But what about, "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!"
It takes all the thought of effort that goes into making pointless small talk completely out of the equation, and allows you to focus in on a singular objective - robbing.
When using this strategy, there are 3 potential outcomes.
Outcome 1: You make a clean getaway with a cell phone and some petty cash
Outcome 2: You are arrested and go to jail
Outcome 3: After you grab her belongings, you make extended eye contact, your heart skips a beat, and you get butterflies in your stomach. You can tell she's experiencing the same feelings. She says something along the lines of "You have a beautiful face.", and you confidently respond, "No, you have a beautiful face." Then she pulls you close in the heat of passion and kisses you on the mouth with tongue. It's a good kiss. Sparks are flying. Then you take a step back, turn the phone screen to her face so the Face ID unlocks her phone, and smoothly enter your phone number into her contact book. You hand her belongings back to her and say, "I thought I was the robber, but you just stole my heart.". You live happily ever after.
2 of those outcomes sound pretty good!
Keep in mind, in order to pull this off, you do have to be a complete sociopath who has no qualms with robbing a complete stranger of their hard earned money, and potentially scarring her (or him) for life. There is a non-zero chance that this strategy ruins your life and lands you in jail (or prison depending on your lawyer, and any prior convictions you may have). But there is also a non-zero you find your soul mate.
Idk this whole thing is fucking stupid. Legally, I should probably add that under no circumstances should you actually rob anybody for any reason. Even if it's in some sort of Robin Hood situation. Or even if you're favorite lifestyle & dating podcasters advise you to do so.
Advertisement
DISCLAIMER: Barstool Sports & PENN Entertainment do not condone stealing of any kind. Even in the name of true love.