Best Of 2023 - I'm Furious That My Co-Workers Don't Think I Could Be a Serial Killer
For a LONG TIME (1 year) I've considered myself the least respected person at Barstool Sports. Honestly, I'm not even mad about that. I know my place. To be fair, I haven't really done anything to command any sort of respect from my co-workers. A few decent blogs here and there. I produce a Rundown that almost never gets my co-workers banned from their recurring spot on Fox News. But nothing to really cement my place at the company. So maybe it's rightfully so. It's probably rightfully so. But whether it's rightful or not, the lack of respect I receive is apparent.
My original gripe came from my time competing for The Family in Barstool Sports highly competitive and not at all weird & cult-like trivia league The Dozen presented by Jeff D-Low. My final answers were routinely ignored by the 2nd most prolific blogger at Barstool Sports, Barstool Reags (Karim is our blogging idol now).
But I can accept that. Considering my correct answer average while playing The Dozen hovers somewhere around a 5%, I suppose I can see why my shiny bald-headed captain wouldn't blindly accept all my answers. And I don't blame Feitelberg either. He was clearly tired from some sort of week long Atlantic coast fishing expedition (that's not a great reference but he's wearing a dumb hat).
I'm not mad about what happened a couple months later either. I can completely understand why the one good video I ever made, Barstool Investigates B** M**** was unable to be promoted by our social team. They had already sold too many social ads that day. There are simply only so many social media posts you can make in a day. Social media platforms are notorious for not letting you post as much as you want. I get it.
And I don't complain when Tommy Smokes spits on my face and punches me in the penis every morning when I walk into the building. That's to be expected in your first year of a job at any professional organization.
But I don't want to it to come off like I'm complaining. I would never do that. Barstool Sports is my dream job. I earned it fair and square by taking nothing in my life seriously and completely fucking off for 10 years of my real career, until I had watched (and rewatched) enough episodes of The Yak to make a Yak Jeopardy that was good enough to get played live on Barstool YouTube. That Jeopardy landed me a spot in Barstool Idol where I competed against a group of 11 other people who had apparently never even heard of Barstool Sports before, which made my extremely baseline knowledge of the company stick out head and shoulders above everyone else to the point that I got hired before the competition even ended.
Pour one out for Luke.
I would never dream of complaining. Until now. I'm gonna complain now. Because today my co-workers crossed a fucking line, and I will not sit idly by and let this disrespectful lack of slander against my name go un-blogged about. Just look at this bullshit.
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Not a single one of my white co-workers even considered that I might be a person capable of going on a long and violent news-worthy killing spree grand enough to label me a serial killer.
If there is one thing I've done at this company… one thing that I've done to make a lasting impact on this incredibly niche section of the internet that seems huge, but when you take a step back you realize that in the grand scheme of things it's actually incredibly miniscule… if there is one mark I've left on this very very toxic portion of the internet, it's this jarring image that led off the blog.
Have you ever taken a photo like that? Has FrAnCis ever taken a photo like that? No, he hasn't. Not even close. I took that picture. I looked like that. That picture was made possible by years upon years of blood, sweat, tears, alcohol, and hard drugs. It was a culmination of every single bad, addiction-fueled decision I've ever made. It all led up to that very moment in time. And you know what? It was fucking magical. I fucking crushed that picture.
So to have that picture out on the internet. To have taken all of that shit online from Reddit users like r/smalldick92 and r/venomsnake30, and to not have a single co-worker think, "Gee, I think John Rich might be a serial killer?" That hurt. That cuts deep. If nobody thinks I might be a serial killer, then was this all for? What am I even doing here?
And just for good measure. In case I hadn't made it abundantly clear that I deserve to be Barstool Sports #1 leading serial killer suspect. I put my own damn self on the Barstool Rundown, against the wishes of everybody watching, just so I could cement my "I'm probably a serial killer" sword in the stone.
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WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO?!? I can totally understand not being invited on shows, or not being asked to do ads. I'm not a great personality on camera. I totally get that. But if were talking probably serial killers… I mean… damn… I thought I had that locked up. I thought at least a few of my co-workers would have recognized the work I had put forth. But I guess not. I guess there's work left to be done.
VIVA!