The Undertaker's Wife Michelle McCool Called In Her Husband To Protect Her From A Shark That Was Creeping As She Was Shooting A Video, Which Caused It To Swim The Hell Away
Let me start off this blog by saying I realize that sharks have feelings too, as the Amazon best seller written by my boss coworker.
But you know what else sharks have? Stomachs. Hunger. Poor eyesight that could mistaken a human's foot for some chum, especially if a drop of blood gets into their system and turns them into an aquatic feeding machine that must sink its teeth into the nearest living creature (I am blaming that twisted bitch Mother Nature for wiring sharks like this instead of the sharks themselves).
Which is why this response by Michelle McCool is a perfectly acceptable one. I'm sure there are many reasons she married a dead man. But having someone from Death Valley to protect you from every apex predator in the land, sea, and air has to be at the top of the list, even if you are a two-time WWE Women's Champion and said predator is a nurse shark. Because no matter how long his wrestling boots have been hung up for, I guarantee you every animal from sea to shining sea knows that you do not fuck with The Undertaker or Mrs. Undertaker, unless you want to get Tombstoned into a watery grave followed by your fins being put over your chest for a 3 count and the playing of an S-Tier wrestling song (the classic is still my favorite all these years later).
So of course I don't blame Michelle for using her Undertaker card when she saw a shark or the shark for swimming away once it knew it wasn't the baddest motherfucker in that part of the ocean. No matter where you stand on the food chain, nobody wants to mess with The Undertaker, whether he is wearing a full suit with a hat or a t-shirt and bathing suit (no chance Taker pops the top at the beach even if it's just him and his wife taking a dip).
P.S. Having your wife tweet "kinda digging that last picture …A LOT#myprotector" with the heart eyes emoji is as close to having a Get Out Of Jail Free Card in your marriage without actually having one. In fact if I was Taker, I would print out this picture and carry it in my wallet for the next time I inevitably screw up since it will at the very least get you out of the doghouse and maybe into the penthouse when your wife remembers she is married to a badass mamma jamma, likely dressed in all black at all times, always at the ready to protect her.
