Meta Launched Its "Twitter Killer" App Called Threads As The Zuckerberg/Musk Nerd War Goes Nuclear

Clem7/06/2023 2:00 PM

Bloomberg. Getty Images.

NYT- After months of speculation and secrecy, Mark Zuckerberg’s long-rumored competitor app to Twitter is here. The new app, Threads, was unveiled on Wednesday as a companion to Instagram, the popular photo-sharing network that Mr. Zuckerberg’s company, Meta, bought more than a decade ago. If Instagram executives get their way, Threads will also replace rival Twitter, with some techies referring to it as a “Twitter killer.”
Instagram has tied Threads closely to itself. Those interested in signing up for the new app are required to have an Instagram account for now. A user’s Instagram handle must also be their Threads user name. And people will be able to directly import the list of those they follow on Instagram to Threads if they wish. Instagram’s verified users will also be verified on the new app. Users can set their Threads account to be private or public.
Threads looks nearly identical to Twitter in many ways. Users can post mostly text-based messages to a scrolling feed, where people who follow them and whom they follow can reply. People can also post photos or video to the app.

Yes I know the headline for this blog is excessive. But Threads launching feels like the biggest shot thrown in The Nerd Wars in a while, or at least until Zuck and Elon fight like men in The Roman Colosseum, which I still cannot believe is a real story.

Anyway, when Elon bought Twitter, it felt like when Martin got a pool in The Simpsons. He finally got all the love, adulation, and (virtual) friends he ever wanted. But shit was probably going to go south sooner or later because he actually stinks.

I guess Threads launching would be the pool starting to break in this extremely dated but still extremely accurate comparison, even though its not the first nor the last "Twitter killer" app to launch. But that ~~The~~ Facebook-stealing mamaluke Zuck explained the difference between his Twitter killer app and the other Twitter killer apps that didn't even draw a drop of blood from the bird in typical Silicon Valley sassiness.

In a post to his Threads account on Wednesday, Mr. Zuckerberg said: “I think there should be a public conversations app with 1 billion+ people on it. Twitter has had the opportunity to do this but hasn’t nailed it. Hopefully we will.”

Giphy Images.

While then logging on Twitter for his first tweet in 11 years and hitting Elon with his favorite thing in the world, an overused old meme.

Now if I'm Zuck, I take the millions of dollars that I made in interest since you started reading this blog, bag it up into a few different giant sacks with a giant dollar symbol in front, then leave it on the doors of Woj and Shams before the next big NBA trade, Passan right as the MLB Hot Stove heats up, Rapsheet/Schefter/Steven Cheah depending on which NFL Insider you like the most, then have Salesman of the Year Ben Mintz bring a few dozen freshly purchased Brick Watches to the people at Meta in exchange for Dave Portnoy to give Threads a whirl. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I hopped on Twitter once it became clear I was missing out on a ton of sports banter.

Orrrrrrr Threads will flop like all the other wannabes and we will just continue to doom scroll on the digital hellscape that is Twitter for the rest of our lives because that's just how humans work. I have hated Facebook pretty much since the day I created my account and barely go on Instagram because it somehow makes me feel worse about myself than I already do. But once Elon put a limit on how many tweets I could view and killed TweetDeck that makes the chaos of Twitter a little less chaotic unless I forked over my hard earned cash to a rich dude I don't even like, I had to create a Threads account (@TheClemReport) and pray the app I have been addicted to for more than a decade dies a quick, painless death.

Giphy Images.

P.S. I'm not a design guy, but they need to change something about this logo.

Bloomberg. Getty Images.

Maybe give it a pair of snake eyes, some teeth, and put a dead baby blue bird in its mouth. But something's gotta be done about that if Threads even has a chance to take over the world and every waking hour of my life that Twitter once laid claim to.

P.P.S. If Zuck and Elon had an ounce of gumption, they would agree to this fight in the Colosseum and put their apps on the line like title belts. If Zuck wins, he gets Twitter and all its hopelessly addicted users under the Meta corporate umbrella. If Elon wins, he gets Instagram or Facebook or whatever is close to Twitter since I have no clue how valuations work for these monster apps.

It's a nice thought to have in theory, however something tells me one of the combatants wouldn't agree to this and that combatant is the one who wore this to a party.