Harvard Admits Their Women's Hockey Players Had to Endure 'Naked Skates,' Bleeding Nipples and Fake Orgasms. But Says Not to Worry, There was No Hazing.

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One thing about living in the Northeast as opposed to just about anywhere else in the US is that the relationship we have with our elite institutions of higher learning is, in a word, complicated. You don't get the feeling that anyone around here who didn't graduate from a particular school feels any kind of connection to it the way they do in places like Michigan, North Carolina, Texas and so on. Where all you have to do is be from that region and they're your university, regardless of where you went. If that makes sense. 

This is especially true of the Ivy League schools. Take Harvard. The obvious, lazy pop culture reference would be the "How you like them apples?" scene from Good Will Hunting. But just because it's a movie trope - the blue collar guy with the street smarts talks circles around the elitist snob who thinks he's superior - doesn't mean there's not an element of truth to that dynamic. Minus the apples thing, which is ridiculously cringe in an otherwise great film. 

So I'll admit there's a joyful sort of schadenfreude any time the people from these world renown universities get exposed as no better than the rest of us. Not intellectually or morally superior to regular schmoes who took our average SAT scores and lack of social connections to some state school. When I was in the Massachusetts court system, I worked with several Harvard grads, not one of whom ever gave me the sense I was in the presence of a towering genius. And when they'd fuck up, it was greeted with profound happiness. As the old saying goes, "You can always tell a Harvard man. You just can't tell him much."

What brings nobody any happiness is when these Crimsons fuck up in a way that does blatant harm to others. Especially when it's intentional. And the harm is done to people who are on the wrong side of the power dynamic.  Which has been going on at that school in ways that are a major scandal. Yet Harvard's administration is trying to contain the damage:

Source - Harvard University is pledging to improve the culture of its women’s ice hockey program after an independent review found that former players were emotionally damaged during the tenure of longtime head coach Katey Stone, the school’s athletic director said Wednesday. … Stone ultimately retired from the program earlier this month. …

First of all, nice opening paragraph. I'm sure everyone gets the same benefit of the doubt in the Boston Globe. "Local drunk driver is pledging to improve his motor vehicle operation after several incidents of slamming his car through the front windows of crowded stores, his lawyer said Wednesday." It continues:

Former players told the Globe they felt compelled to participate in hazing episodes that included forced alcohol drinking and sexually charged role playing. …

Harvard has not made public the [Jenner & Block] law firm’s report or released a summary of the findings — something advocates for curbing abuses in collegiate sports have decried as a lack of transparency. ..

Stone’s team engaged in a tradition known as “Naked Skate,” in which freshman players were told “to do a ‘superman’ slide on the ice that left some with ice burns and bleeding nipples,” The Athletic reported.

In addition, upperclassmen urged freshmen during the team’s annual “Initiation Week” to put condoms on bananas, fake orgasms, and act out skits that referenced their sexual orientation, according to The Athletic.

No one alleged that Stone participated in these activities, but several former players said she was aware of what went on in her program. … 

“Our current women’s ice hockey team has not fostered a culture of hazing,” [Athletic Director Erin] McDermott said in her statement. “However, it is clear that some traditions in recent years were experienced differently by different people and not all were comfortable with those activities or with expressing concerns relating to the program.”

Nearly 20 former players detailed to the Globe a list of complaints, many of which they said they shared with Harvard administrators to little or no avail. The complaints included Stone allegedly denigrating players in ways that caused them to seek mental health care; expressing insensitivity to mental health issues; body shaming; adversely influencing her players’ academic performance; applying inconsistent disciplinary standards; and hazing. …

The Harvard Crimson reported in May that Stone’s program had the lowest retention rate of student-athletes among the university’s sports teams, with only 20 percent of the original freshman class remaining last season, compared with 75 percent overall.

To review: Players were forced to go Full Ned Braden:

… Superman slide naked until they got ice burns and bleeding nipples, which was not hazing. The freshmen were forced by the upperclassmen to get drunk and perform sexual hijinks, but that's just "Initiation Week." Which is not at all just a rebranding of actual hazing. It's something else entirely different. They were physically and mentally abused to the point most of them were getting treatment for mental health. Again though, the "H" word does not apply. And 80% of them decided it's not worth putting up with this horseshit for the chance to compete for National Championships at fucking Harvard, but not because of hazing. For some other, unstated reason. Coincidence perhaps. 

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In no way am I taking a stand against tough coaching. Stone was there like 30 years. She was no doubt old school. She probably built her career telling her wingers, "You're not getting on my power play until you get rid of that cottage cheese in your ass, Fatty" and telling her goalies she doesn't have time to hear about their crises of confidence, "Just get in front of the damned puck" or whatever. If you want to perform at a high level in any endeavor, you've got to be willing to put up with some verbal abuse. Especially from people who've been dishing it out successfully their whole lives. That's part of life. 

But just don't for one hot second think you can call the rest of this what it is, Harvard. It's hazing, pure and simple. There's literally no other word to describe it. This stuff that's been happening on your watch wouldn't pass muster at some juco in the 2020s. The administration would put an end to it in one day and heads making 40 grand a year would roll. And no football coach at a major BCS powerhouse would survive allegations like this. When I was a kid, the legendary Woody Hayes punched a player in the chin and never called another play. 

But at Harvard, you get to be the ringmaster of this circus for years. Complaints from your players go unheard. Even as they quit the team in droves. And when you do get exposed, you get to "retire," while the AD says there's nothing to see here, just some harmless fun. That we're going to put an end to. Just don't call it hazing. Because it's some other thing entirely. 

With all the sympathy in the world for these women, and all the hopes that they get the help they need and deserve and are able to deal with this, I've never felt better about my state college education. The Ivy League can kiss my worthless degree's ass.