The Official Winners And Losers From The NBA Draft (Hint: There Was No Bigger Loser Than The Entire Draft Show And Broadcast)

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It's time to go to the well on a Friday. Day after the draft? We're talking winners and losers baby. Mind you we're declaring winners and losers from an event where you don't know how shit really turns out until it's three years from now. It's truly my favorite past time. Just arguing about what-ifs and how teams are stupid. Don't worry, we fully understand. Anyways, we're going to do this a little different. It's not all about the picks. It's not all about where you get drafted or anything like that. So let's get into it: 

Winners

Gradey Dick 

Fuck it. I tried to fight it, but Gradey Dick was the most talked about player last night: 

Like I said I wanted to hate this guy ever since he decided to go to Kansas. But then I realized this kid grew up with the name Gradey Dick. Do you know what it had to be like to grow up with the last name Dick in high school? Or the fact your parents (shout out his dad … Bart Dick, what a name) threw an e into the name Gradey for you? Tough. But last night was all about him. He stole the show, everyone was talking about him on Twitter, still was a lottery pick. Got the Drake follow. I don't understand 19-year old style, so who knows, maybe the Dorothy suit was good luck. 

Woj 

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Going into the Draft yesterday we know that Victor was going 1. We knew that for about 3 years to be honest. So the 2nd pick for the Hornets became the first real decision. Scoot vs Brandon Miller vs a trade. It also led us to the best rivalry in the NBA, Woj vs Shams. In one corner we had Woj doubling down all over the place that the Hornets wanted Brandon Miller. In the other corner was Shams in the middle of the day saying that Scoot Henderson was the preference. KO Woj in the first round. 

France

Have a night, France! Obviously you have the No. 1 pick, but his teammate Bilal Couibaly went 7th. Then you had two second round picks Rayan Rupert and Sidy Cissoko. We're really starting to see the growth of the sport in terms of where guys are coming from. It used to just be big names from college. Now you have 4 of the top 44 picks coming from France, not too shabby. They've come a long way from this: 

Tissues

Everyone was crying. I don't know what they did in that Draft room but it was a big night for tears. I guess if I was all of a sudden making millions of dollars, I'd start bawling my eyes out too. I'd like to experience that one day. 

Brandin Podziemski's dad

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What a win for dads! I have two young sons which means I'm the secondary parent for now. Everything is mom mode. So dads needed a win. We got one here with this guy. Jump? How high. He'll run through a wall for the Warriors. No doubt in my mind he's yelled at a coach or two in his lifetime, but he means well. He also knows how to market his son and that's parenting 101. Huge breakout for Brandin too. Guy was a little buried at Illinois, got recruited over, so he ends up at Santa Clara and turns into a first round pick. Not too shabby. 

Emoni Bates

I'm kind of shocked Emoni Bates got picked at 49. I know his background and high school star and all that. But when you look at what happened in college, the whole Memphis saga, there was a legit chance he'd fall to undrafted. Instead he has a chance to stay close to home with the Cavs and make a NBA roster. Ddue went from lock top-10 pick out of high school to not even sniffing the NBA to a 2nd round pick. Ultimately a win. 

Duquesne basketball

Dynasty.

Houston - Strip Club city

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At the very end someone in the background says 'strip club city' or just strip clubs after mentioning Houston. Make it the city motto. 

Losers

The broadcast

Holy shit that was awful. I actually thought JJ Redick was good, but he checked out around pick 35. I don't blame him. Jay Bilas, who I don't mind, was never really into the broadcast last night. Then you had two different channels on the same parent network and trying to figure out who was on what made it impossible. Then you had all these commercials, I legit don't think we saw a pick in the 2nd round. Thanks a lot, Jokic. I don't know who needs to hear this but it's the Draft. Just give us what we want - people getting picked and then breaking down the pick. It's that simple. You don't need to be over-complimentary to every single pick. If it doesn't make sense or there's a weakness, fucking say it. It was by far the worst product I can remember of the NBA Draft. Names weren't even close to being pronounced right, colleges in wrong locations, I get mistakes can be made but it was nonstop last night. 

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New plan for next year: Give me a host, JJ, Fran Fraschilla and one other analyst. Have Woj/Bobby Marks pop in and show the picks. I bet people watch. 

The Hornets mascot

We saw fans booing last night at a bar and apparently at the Draft, but you can't have the mascot looking like this. That doesn't help get the people fired up for your new pick. I mean, I respect it. NBA mascots are nothing but professional and that's why Rocky makes the big bucks. 

Marty Smith

What the fuck was this? I really don't have much to add besides that. Why did we need this? Why would Marty Smith agree to any of this? 

Centers/old people

If there's one thing people our dads age love to talk about is playing through the post. Guess what? Oscar, Timme, Toubelis, Castleton, Sanogo, all undrafted. TJD went 57th. The value of a traditional big is dead. Sure, you need some depth but these are all guys that would have been 1st round picks like 15 years ago. These were All-American type players, NPOY type players even. They didn't sniff value. Being tall is finally ruined unless you can move and shoot the ball. Chalk one up for small people everywhere - and by small I mean like 6'6" dudes. 

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I do think the Rockets can feel the best about their draft. They got Cam Whitmore at 20 which was a massive steal. Honestly no idea why he fell that much. Combine that with Amen Thompson at 4 and you have a young group that's going to be incredibly fun to watch.