When Will People Learn That Surprise Weddings Are A Total Disaster
A woman has shared her shocking experience of walking into a party that her boyfriend had invited her to, only to discover it was her own surprise wedding.
With mixed emotions and a sense of betrayal, she found herself confronting him about his supposed ‘romantic gesture’.
However, he dismissed her concerns which only exacerbated the already awkward situation.
Here we go. We've got a freak on the loose! A freak who sets up an entire wedding for someone who hasn't even agreed to marry them yet! What could possibly go wrong!
In her own words, @Unexpectedlymarried recounts the moment she realized what was happening.
“Last week, I was invited to a supposedly fancy party by my longtime boyfriend Mark. While we had discussed marriage before, there were no immediate plans for a wedding.”
“Excited about the event, I dressed up in my best attire and arrived at the designated venue. As I entered the grand hall, I was completely taken aback to see all of our family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting. It turns out, Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for us without my knowledge.”
Absolute worst case scenario. Do you know how many times I've "discussed marriage" with someone? I'd be married 20 times over by now if they all ACTUALLY proposed. I'm talking WAY back, like, I'm pretty sure my 8th grade boyfriend and I talked about owning a beach house once he proposed. Imagine if he had? Showing true emotion is hard to do one on one, let alone in front of a crowd of people. This goes for the megatron kiss cams and proposal cams too - BAD idea. You're either uncomfortable, or you're an amazing actor. You might as well put a shot clock on to force out a response, add a little more pressure.
“Everyone erupted into applause as I stood there, shocked and overwhelmed. I just felt a mix of emotions. While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust.”
Exactly. Don't peer pressure me into marrying you! You KNOW I wouldn't be able to say no with my Mom and Dad sobbing in the background because the day has finally come! TOTALLY manipulative IMO.
“I wanted to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in our lives,” she told him.
However, it didn’t go down with Mark, who thought she would be “thrilled” by the gesture.
“In that moment, I faced a difficult choice: go along with the surprise wedding, putting on a smile despite feeling unsettled, or stand up for my autonomy and voice my true feelings,” she says. “I ultimately made the decision not to proceed with the surprise wedding, much to the disappointment and confusion of our guests.”
Now, Mark and both their families and friends believe she “overreacted” and spoiled a “beautiful moment.”
But she holds true that marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations.
“Everyone’s excuse for this is I have always talked about marrying Mark. And again the problem isn’t marrying him, the problem is not having any say in my wedding,” she concluded.
I cannot express how proud I am of this girl for standing her ground. If this guy Mark knew her at all, he'd know she'd hate something like this. That she'd always wanted to be involved in the planning of a wedding, and that she'd want to do it together - not through an ambush. And her family? Fuck them. Anyone who pressures you about marriage and a wedding need to mind their own fucking business.
The forum community weighed in on the situation, providing opinions that ranged from “He’s the a**hole,” to “Dump him immediately.”
Overall, everyone sympathized with the OP, acknowledging her concerns and need for a say in the wedding.
One top comment, with 20k upvotes, said, “Get the hell out of that relationship. NTA 100%.”
Someone else wrote, “If he marries you without having to ask you, what else would he do with the same excuse.”
Another shared: “NTA. I’d also be asking all my family and friends if they knew about this. Who told this man this was a good idea?!?”
“You didn’t overreact, you didn’t make a bad call, you didn’t do anything wrong. Your response was your body/mind telling you that this was not okay. Anyone who thinks you ruined this is not someone who has your best interests in mind. I don’t care if it’s your own mother, they do not have your best interest in mind,” someone else wrote.
I'm with these people. Dump his ass. Or, have a very long conversation about doing stupid shit like this and feel CERTAIN that you have been heard. It could eventually become a big joke, but I foresee it blowing up in flames tbh. His ego won't be able to handle this. It's one thing to care about the gesture and "ruining a beautiful moment," but I bet this whole thing was expensive, too. Once you start wasting someone's money, they're not going to forgive so easily. Especially if they were justifying the expenses on the fact that you two would be spending your lives together, and you'd have this cool story where he comes out looking like a thoughtful hero. Now you have twice the bills and an emasculating moment to share forevermore. What do we think this dude is going to decide to do?