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Study Shows That Gen Z Doesn't Fuck

Whenever someone mentions Gen Z, I never actually know what specific ages they're talking about, so for the record, Gen Z'ers are currently between 8-23 years old.

NY Post - Gen Z is in the grip of a sex recession — and it’s largely social media’s fault, according to a new book, “Laid and Confused: Why We Tolerate Bad Sex and How to Stop.”

“Young people have been uniquely inundated with toxic messaging surrounding sex that has actually disrupted our abilities to feel pleasure,” author Maria Yagoda writes.

“TikTok and Instagram may have positioned young people to better parse their sexualities, but they are not necessarily closer to building affirming and pleasurable sex lives.”

In other words, the generation that invented spending large amounts of their life in bed — a lifestyle known as “bedrotting” — isn’t doing much with their supine time. And that may have to do with the way they’ve been inundated with titillating imagery from an early age, the veteran sex columnist said.

I don't know what any of that means, but I do know that when I was between the ages of 8-23 years old, I was sleeping in new pussy every night. Wasn't even hard. Well it was hard, but not difficult (swish). It's just how we lived back then. Everybody was fucking. But now? Things have changed. New York City teens used to be near the top of my list of people I'm scared of (right behind New York City homeless), but not anymore. The other day I watched a whole crop of Barstool Sports interns walk through the office and I was like, "Damn, these are some cool ass kids." Guess I was wrong. Turns out they don't even fuck. Too much scrolling, not enough sucking. That's what I gather. All that ass on TikTok and they don't even know what to do with it. 

One tired 20-something describes her casual sex life as only existing on the “meh-to-bad” spectrum. She pulls no punches in calling out partners for “jabby fingering, lackluster oral and flipping me over every two seconds because they watch a lot of mainstream porn.

Jabby fingering? Lackluster oral? Who raised these kids? Don't blame porn. You can learn a lot from porn. The best pussy eater in the office learned his craft from a pussy eating porn tutorial.

Steven Cheah, Best Pussy Eater at Barstool Sports

Maybe modern day porn is just too accessible for these kids to handle responsibly. There's too many outlets for horniness nowadays. They can't scroll the internet for 5 minutes without getting horned-up enough to sneak away and crack one off in the bathroom during Art History class. By the time they get to point of actually talking to a girl, they've already came 4 times that day. They're fresh out of cum. It's sad really. But I can't throw stones. Sure, I fuck every day all the time like an actual porn star, but I grew up in a different, more promiscuous era. Nowadays, for only $8.99/month, and the occasional $20 tip for a private video, you can essentially date any OnlyFans model you want. They'll probably even say your name if you pay them enough. It's still cheaper than taking a girl on an actual date. Do you know how much a lobster costs? Much more that a 5-minute private video from Genie Exum

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If I'd have grown up with that option, maybe I wouldn't have graduated to real sex either. Who's to say. 

Then you got virtual reality porn, which I've never had the pleasure of participating in, but it's probably awesome. Throw on an Oculus, stick a flesh light between the cushions of your couch, and that's damn near the real thing.

Whatever, Gen Z ain't my problem. Just means more puss for me and my mature Millennial sex-having adult friends. Viva.