Emily Ratajkowski And I Are Both Having Incredibly Sexy Memorial Day Weekends At The Beach

Kate5/27/2023 6:30 PM

I'll say what everyone is thinking...

"Gosh-darnit, that is one hot-patootie, respectfully."

Once again Emily Ratajkowski is setting Instagram ablaze from Brazil to Brooklyn with photos showcasing the latest line for her swimsuit brand iNAMORATA.

Well it turns out I'm at the beach right now, too, and I love this for us because I've always connected deeply with Ratajkowski. We both enjoy trying out cute bangs, and each work in the podcast biz now and most importantly, had our sons only weeks apart, so our postpartum journeys were right on par. Just two ladies with tits out trying to grab a meal when we could. Another woman I could relate to during a very isolating time. This was us the very same week; practically twins:

And now - at the exact same same time she's beaching-it-up and flaunting the cutest swimwear possible - I'm down in the swamps of Myrtle Beach doing the same. What are the odds? And though I'm not sponsored by them YET I'm also having the time of my life testing out some new suits from Kohl's. Eat your hearts out, simps:

(Ok I've actually owned both of these suits for about four years but have to say, the pink Barstool golf skort is amazing for the beach, ladies. Even got my period in it by accident once while playing mini golf and didn't bleed through. Top tier.)

Now, you might get to this point in the blog and say,

"Kate, there is quite literally nothing you two have in common in any way, shape or form and I was starting to feel spicy scrolling the top but then you ruined the blog by inserting yourself into it and now I just feel weird inside. Stop trying to make a friendship with EmRata happen. It's not going to happen."

I get why you're saying that - she's having way better weather in Brazil than I am in Myrtle right now, where it's sideways-rained with 20mph winds the ENTIRE time we've been here. (I look way more like her in direct sunlight.) And also she's probably not sharing a house with 12 of her boyfriend's relatives including several young children who are going stir crazy. And she likely didn't let her two year old stab his cousins with a realistic toy pirate knife all morning just to keep him occupied like I did.

But we have a trip lined up to Myrtle's Ripley's Believe It Or Not! planned for this afternoon that's going to bring the whole family back together even though this has almost destroyed us. Being jam-packed in a fake museum with hundreds of other desperate tourist-parents in the only trash weather in the entire country over Memorial Day Weekend is just what we need, I can feel it in my bones. I can't wait.

Furthermore th.. wait. I have to stop here and come clean. This entire blog is a cover of my own selfish design. The EmRata part was for clicks of course, but the entire family already left for the Ripley's museum and I said I had to get some work done so I couldn't go even though I totally wanted to, and if they get back and I've just been sitting here with nothing to show for it Pat (who is currently riding on the floor of a crammed mini-van illegally transporting 11 people) might be upset. So here's this long, rambling blog. The real message is that of solidarity with any of the hundreds of thousands of parents who ventured to the NC/SC coast for Memorial Day weekend under similar circumstances. I'm sorry you had to see me in a bathing suit, but I couldn't get in that mini-van and go to the crammed museum. I hope you understand and I hope if you're in the same boat you at least get a chance to go sit in your 2014 Chrysler Town & Country and stare into the parking lot of a coffee shop or something for a little bit.

EmRata would never do something like this and I'm ashamed of myself. (But in my defense the weather in Rio put her in a way different position.)