Saints Rookie QB Jake Haener SERVES In A Flawless Photo Shoot That You Didn't Know You So Desperately Needed

Matt Fitzgerald5/23/2023 3:50 PM

That's only a taste. There's more. If Jake Haener wasn't already earning the respect of New Orleans Saints fans, he should be after this. My goodness. It's so weird yet also funny yet also confusing. The theory posited by Yahoo! that it was some fantasy bet gone wrong is a decent one. Or Jake Haener is this fucking awesome.

Been on the Haener wagon ever since that late-night Pac-12 stunner he pulled on UCLA. Dude had to be pissing blood for like a week after (unconfirmed). The Bruins were battering the hell out of him and he kept getting up and slinging that thing. Although he's a little undersized by NFL standards, Haener has the heart of a lion.

Should you desire more context on Haener, I done did a writer-upper about himmer a bit back-er.

No chance Haener gets the starting nod over Derek Carr in 2023, especially with Jameis Winston still on the roster and entrenched as the QB2 thanks to an odd contract loaded with void years. Yup, the Saints did their best salary cap decathlon yet again this offseason. At least they had the sense to invest an early Day 3 draft pick in Haener, who has the ceiling to be a starter and should at the very least be a viable backup.

OH YEAH. I need to show you more Jake Haener photos!! That's why we're here. Forgive me. It's 3:17 am as I write this sentence and the ol' noggin has been a sloggin'. This whole situation was part of the NFLPA rookie photo shoot. Apparently a thing. Must not have been memorable because we haven't had someone like Jake Haener take the concept and run with it.

I still don't trust Warren Sharp and that mustache of his but I appreciate his efforts to thread these Haener photos. Shall I play us out in smut blog fashion with a string of smoke show shots of Jake? I think that's where this is headed.

Nah never mind. More saucy text. One more observation as I did hardcore research for this: Many are comparing Haener to Derek Zoolander. I don't quite see a Blue Steel-caliber look just yet. Maybe if football doesn't work out, Haener can factor more prominently into the modeling scene. Hell of a lot of talent to work with, that's for sure. For now he'll be grinding an NFL playbook and leaving the sultry shoots for the offseasons.

Glad I got some Haener stock in quite early on. He was electric on those late-night Pac-12 matchups. Threw for 67 TDs to only 17 INTs across three years as the Bulldogs' starter (weird COVID 2020 campaign limited him to only six games that season). Smart, accurate, tough as nails. Look out for this guy on the field in the coming years!

Finally, figured I'd save my favorite Jake Haener photos for last, which I suppose are what's sparking the Zoolander linkage…