There's Nothing More Orgasmic Than Your First Pimento Cheese Sandwich At Augusta National

Sorry to use orgasm and Augusta National in the headline. Chaps wanted me to say Mastersbate, which hilarious. But I can't think of a better way to get chubbed up than some sandwich talk. I can't think of a better way to get chubbed up than some Augusta National talk. 

A year ago I finally got to experience the magic. I finally got to experience the ultimate trip one could ask for. A day filled of ejections, golf, beers, lines and pimento cheese. 

Wednesday at the Masters. Now I'm not going to recap the whole thing. This is about one specific thing. The greatest sandwich these lips have tasted. 

The Pimento Cheese at Augusta 

Jamie Squire. Getty Images.

Patrick Smith. Getty Images.

Augusta National. Getty Images.

Andrew Redington. Getty Images.

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Annnddddd I'm erect. I'm telling you, that first bite into an Augusta National pimento cheese sandwich is the same as when you realized you could download porn AND music at the same time on dial-up. Or when you turned on a certain channel at the right time and saw a nipple through some scrambled TV. Nothing like it. 

Speaking of not hard, look at the prices: 

That's the best thing. You want to try the chicken sandwich and pimento cheese sandwich? Little trick - get both and combine them. Was even better. But you get out of there for like $10 with a beer. It's incredible because of how basic it is. The green paper, the simple looking sandwich. There are no bells and whistles. You just eat delicious pimento cheese sandwiches. 

While the price is the best part - I gotta give credit for how the concession stands are set up. They get you in and out. File in, grab what you want, keep shuffling down the line and pay. It's effective as shit how they do it. Get you right out there, pop a spot on the wall across from the concession stand, eat quick, get another beer and head over to the course. 

Don't get me wrong, you can power through these sandwiches too. Two at a time and you can easily get 6-7 down throughout the day. It's snack size. It's lunch size. However you want it. Just get the chicken (great sandwich too) and combine the two. Treat yourself. 

PS: My biggest regret about the trip to Augusta was not getting a hat. I got basically everything else in the merch store, but the hat line got to me. Now I just don't have a Masters hat like a goddamn idiot. Don't be scared of the lines. Power stance, elbows out, be ready to yell the number and size of what you want.