The Rangers Have Unveiled A New 2-Foot Long Boomstick Burger And It Looks Like The Best, Messiest, Weirdest Burger In The World
Everything is bigger in Texas....including their massive new menu item at the Rangers games. The Boomstick Burger is a 2-foot long hamburger with....everything on it. They have had the Boomstick for a while, but that was just a massive hotdog that would for sure throw your stomach for a loop.
This is a burger so we're talking a whole different ballgame. First off I've never heard of a burger measured by length, it's always weight. Quarter pounder, half pounder, and stuff like that. But I've never heard of a burger described by it's length, that is how you know they aren't messing around.
It is a 2 foot burger topped with chili, cheese, jalapeños, and onion rings. Honestly, that sounds fucking delicious. I'd for sure eat a normal sized one, but you could definitely go to town on this with a few friends. And the best part of all? It's only $34.99. That's like the price of 3 beers, it's not a bad deal at all. I was expecting something around $50-$60 at least.
This is what makes America and baseball so great. All we hear about is how you have to cut down this, go on this diet, don't eat this. The Rangers are like "fuck that, come shove 2 feet of meat, chili and cheese down that fat gullet while we watch Jacob deGrom."
As for how you eat this, I'm not exactly sure. I guess you cut it up into sections and go from there, that is the only way to attack it. I can just imagine 2 people eating the Boomstick Burger in their seats and blocking the aisle so no one can get by. An entire row held up because of 2 feet of processed meat and cheese.
Also, I love the touch of onion rings on it. Onion rings are very underrated on burgers so great move there to top it off with those. Let's be real though, I need this. I want it. I want to stuff my face with this at a Rangers game and have a terrible stomach ache by the third inning. End up finding an empty section and have the meat sweats alone while contemplating if you're going to puke or not.
The Rangers showed off their other new foods and they honestly don't look bad.
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I'd go to town on that Pizza Dawwg, hot dog + pizza? Ys sir, sign me up. Brisket Croissant? Absolutely. Flamin Hot Cheetos Pretzel? No chance in hell dude. Texas baby, the only place you can watch a Cy Young winner and eat a massive hamburger that will most likely make you shit your brains out before the 7th inning stretch.
I can't wait to see the food reviews that come from these Frankenstein like creations down in Texas, starting with Glenny taking putting the Boomstick Burger on the Balls Scale.